


#1~Complicated Feelings

by ZouiallismyOTP



Series: Complicated Trilogy [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Depression, Multi, Self-Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-16
Updated: 2015-03-20
Packaged: 2018-03-18 03:34:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 38
Words: 28,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3554537
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZouiallismyOTP/pseuds/ZouiallismyOTP
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I was born with a disfiguration; I have six fingers on each hand. My father was disgusted by me, so he abandoned my mother and I, leaving us with nothing but the clothes on our backs. Mum spent most of her time trying to earn money to buy us food. <br/> Four years later a rich man called Robin Twist took pity on us and welcomed us into his home. He fell in love with my mum and married her the next year. He told us that he's wife, Anne, had died a few years before, leaving him with her son, Harry.<br/> Harry and his friends Zayn, Liam, Louis and Niall took a shine to me straight away. They didn't turn away in disgust when they saw my extra fingers, they were amazed that I, someone this special, had come into their lives. I followed then everywhere and played games with them.<br/> I ended up falling for Niall and Louis, Zayn got together with Liam and Harry fell for Louis and Niall, hard. This is our complicated story...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clara's Secret

**Clara**

 "Harry!" Mum yells. "Where have you been?!"

 "With my friends, Lis." Haz says.

 "Next time call if you're going to be late."

 "Fine."

 I hear the front door close and footsteps coming up the stairs. I turn my head to see Haz when he comes into the rumpass room and take in his appearance. His emerald green eyes are glimmering a brighter green than usual, his chocolate curls are limp and his clothes are rumpled.

 "Whose party was it this time, Haz?" I ask.

 "Zayn's." Haz answers.

 "You're 17 and drunk?"

 "I only had two."

 "If Mum or Robin find out-"

 "I'm dead." Haz sighs. "I know."

 "Who did you make out with this time?"

 "Umm..." Haz's face goes red.

 "Do I know her?"

 "You know  _him_."

 "Are you gay?"

 "Yeah..."

 "Was it Lou?"

 "How...?"

 "I'm not blind, Harry."

 Haz sighs.

 "How drunk was he?"

 "Sober."

 I blink in surprise. "Who kissed who?"

 "He kissed me."

 "Is he gay?"

 "Bi, I think."

 I nod and look back at the window. I can see Ni's house from here and, if the lights were on, like right now, I could see him in his room. Nobody knows that I have a crush on Ni, and I plan to keep it that way. I touch the glass and smile fondly at my thoughts.

 "Are you spying on Ni?" Haz asks.

 "What?" I gasp. He couldn't know. "Why would I?"

 "I'm not blind either, Clara."

 "You can't tell anyone."

 "That you like spying?"

 "That I like him."

 Haz drops his cup and it smashes. I slap my hands over my mouth and my eyes widen. I did not just say that to Ni's  _best mate_ , or my  _step-brother_. Haz turns me to face him and I see the shock clear on his face.

 "You're crushing on my best mate?" Haz manages to say.

 "Yes." I squeak.

 "How long?"

 "Three years."

 "I'm surprised that he hasn't figured it out yet."

 "He could have."

 "It could get messy if he has."

 "Why?"

 "Zee's gay, and he likes Ni."

 "Ni is bi or gay is he?"

 "No." Haz sighs. "That's good though."

 I sigh. "Why is it good?"

 "He's the only normal one of us."

 "What about Liam?"

 "He's bi, and he likes Zee."

 "I'm surprised, Haz."

 "Why?"

 "I never pegged Liam as someone who liked boys."

 "But you pegged Lou, Zee and me?"

 "Yeah."

 "You are a brilliant judge of character, Clara."

 "Don't start, Haz. I've had a bad enough day as it is."

 "Fine. See you in the morning."

 Haz leaves the room and I turn back to the window. Ni's light is off and I can no longer see into his room. I sigh and head to my bedroom, silently cursing Haz for bringing up the subject of Ni earlier. He is so annoying sometimes.

 Haz has always been one to force you to talk about uncomfortable topics and get you to tell the truth just my staring at you with his bright green eyes. It gives you shivers and makes you uncomfortable until you tell him what he wants to know. There is no way around it.


	2. Clubbing

**Niall**

 "Niall." Zayn slurrs. "Why are you so cute?"

 "You're drunk, Zee." I tell him.

 "I only had one drink, Nialler."

 "He's had one too many." Liam mutters from beside me.

 "Party pooper."

 "Li." Haz says, walking over to us. "What time is it?"

 Lou comes up behind Haz and puts his arms around Haz's waist. He presses his lips to Haz's throat and leaves a trail of kisses down to the colar of Haz's shirt, causing Haz to hold back a moan. Lou smirks and nuzzles Haz's neck.

 "It's eight thirty, Haz." Liam says.

 "Shit." Haz mutters. "I've gotta get home."

 "Why?" Zayn asks.

 "Robin and Lis want me to watch Clara while they go out."

 "Protective people aren't they?"

 "Don't start, Zee." Lou mummbles against Haz's collarbone.

 "See you later, lads." Haz says, untangling himself from Lou and leaving.

 "Clara's fifteen. She should be fine." Zayn grumbles.

 "Are you drunk, Lou?" I ask.

 "Sober." Lou shakes his head. "Had one drink, that's it."

 "Haz had how many?"

 "Two."

 "Zee, I'm taking you home." Liam says.

 "Why can't Ni?" Zayn whines.

 "I live next to you."

 "I gotta take Lou and Haz home." I say. "See ya, mates."

 Lou and I walk out of the club and see Haz on a bench, staring up at the stars. He notices us and gets up, walking to my car. I climb in the front and Lou gets in the back with Haz. I occasionally hear a moan or whimper as I drive. I pull up at Lou's house and he reluctantly gets out.

 "Why is Lou being so clingy tonight?" I ask Haz.

 "Who knows?" Haz replies. "He wasn't drunk. Hell, I had more than him!"

 "Here's your stop, Haz."

 "Wish me luck."

 "Why?"

 "Clara's headstrong. Just like her mother."

 He gets out and I drive back to my place. I park out the front and go inside. Nobody's home tonight because Greg lives with Denise now and Mom and Dad are out doing God knows what on a Friday night. Probably getting drunk after a nice dinner and then going even further than most of us would like to know about.

 I head upstairs to my room and open the curtain. I can see Clara sitting at her window, staring down at my house. I turn the light on and sit at my desk, staring up at her. She turns to the side and I guess that Haz just walked in.

 She turns back after a minute and touches the window before covering her mouth. A curly head appears behind her and turns her around.  _Harry_. From what I can tell, the conversation is going to be long and important.

 Nobody knows that I like Clara. Nobody  _can_  know that I like Clara. Especially not Clara herself, or Robin, or Lis, or Ha- No. Haz has to know that I like his little sister. I like her wavy, blonde hair, soft brown eyes. I even like her six-fingered hands. I like everything about her.


	3. FIFA Day

**Clara**

 I wake up to the sound of boys cheering and cursing. I groan and check my phone.  _9am_. What the fuck are they doing at  _9am_  on a  _Saturday_  that could be so damn annoying? I put my pillow over my head and try to muffle the cheers and curses, but, of course, it doesn't work.

 I get up and get dressed. I pull on my acid wash skinny jeans, bright blue tee and my blue converse shoes. I brush my messy blonde-brown hair and sigh. I tidy up my bed and fold up my pj's. I walk into my bathroom and brush my teeth.

 I walk out of my room and go to the rumpass room. Liam and Zayn are playing FIFA, Haz is sitting on the sofa smirking, Lou is cuddling up to Haz and Ni is standing at my window, staring at the sea of houses. I smile and wak over to him.

 "Take a picture." I suggest. "It'll probably last longer."

 Ni jumps a foot and curses. I burst out laughing and the noise from FIFA stops. Ni's face goes bright red and Haz chuckles. Lou, Liam and Zayn start laughing and pretty soon we're all laughing our heads off, even Ni, whose face is still bright red.

 "Sorry, Ni." I apologise. "That was just the perfect oppourtunity."

 "It's alright, Cee." Ni says, his accent thick.

 FIFA resumes and Zayn curses when Liam scores a goal. I smirk at them and realize that they act like they are brothers. I look at Ni and he smiles at me, his blue eyes dancing with mischief and humour. Mischief isn't a good thing with any of the boys in this room, especially Ni.

 "What are you thinking, Ni?" I ask, not sure if I want to know.

 "Prank time." Ni grins.

 I sigh. "Who are you pranking this time?"

 " _We_  are pranking Haz."

 "How?"

 "Hmm... I've got it!"

 "Come on. Don't leave me hanging."

 "We prank him by saying that we are dating, and we'll get Lou, Liam and Zee to help."

 "I'll get Mum to help."

 I dash downstairs and run into the kitchen. Mum is going through the fridge, getting stuff ready for lunch, and I get the perfect idea. I sit on one of the stools and plan out what is going to happen. Mum shrieks when she turns around and sees me.

 "Sorry." I apologise.

 "It's alright, dear." Mum says.

 "Would you be able to help me and Ni?"

 "What are you up to this time?"

 "We're pranking Haz."

 "How?"

 "Ni and I are going to say that we are dating and see the look on his face."

 "Are you  _really_  dating?"

 "You wish."

 "What do you want me to do?"

 "Get him down here and get him to help you make enough lunch for Liam, Zee, Lou, him, you, Robin, Ni and me. Ni and I will handle the rest."

 "Got it."

 "Thanks, Mum."

 "Anytime."

 I grin and run upstairs. I walk into the rumpass room and notice that Ni is playing against Liam, Zayn is sitting on the sofa with Haz and Lou is nowhere in sight. I lean against the couch behind Ni and play with his hair. Ni tenses for a second before realizing that it is just me. Haz looks at us and I ignore his confusion filled stare. I lean down and put my mouth near Ni's ear.

 "Mum's on board." I murmur.

 "Good." Ni whispers. "What are you doing?"

 "Secret touches for effect."

 "People only do that when they're-Ohh."

 "Got it?"

 "Yeah."

 "Good. Now go along with it."

 I pull away and notice Haz staring, more like glaring, at Ni. I shoot Haz a glare of my own and his mouth drops open. I had never glared at him before, and now he has seen my deadly glare. His eyes fill with hurt and I turn away.

 "Harry!" Mum calls.

 "Coming, Lis." Haz yells.

 He runs down the stairs and his footsteps soon fade. Ni pauses the game and Liam curses, glaring playfully at Ni. Ni rolls his eyes and I grin. Zayn looks from Ni to me several times, confusion clear on his face, something I've never seen before.

 "Lou, get in here!" Ni calls.

 "What are you up to this time?" Zayn asks. "That grin, Clara, is nothing but trouble."

 "We're pranking Haz." I explain.

 "How?" Lou asks, suddenly interested. "We hardly prank him, so this better be good."

 "Ni and I are going to say we are dating, we actually aren't. We want you three to record the whole thing."

 "Good prank, Clara." Liam says.

 "Will it work?" Zayn asks.

 "I hope so." Lou says, gleeful. "I'm counting on it."

 "He's coming." I hiss.

 FIFA resumes and Ni scores the winning goal. He jumps up cheering and pulls me into a hug. Haz walks in and I kiss Ni on the cheek. Haz stands there staring at us gobsmacked for a minute before exploding.

 "What the fuck is going on?!" Haz demands.

 "We were going to tell you earlier." I begin.

 "Tell me what?"

 "Niall and I are dating."

 Haz freezes and and a number of emotions cross his face, none of them good. I gulp and glance at Ni, wondering if this was a good thing to do. Ni bites his lip and I see fear in his eyes. We turn back to Haz and Haz glares at Ni.

 "Explain yourselves." Haz growls.

 "Harry-" Ni starts.

 "You've been pranked!!" Lou, Liam, Zayn, Mum, Ni and I cry.


	4. Gay Or Bi?

**Louis**

 "You have to admit that was hilarious, Haz." I say.

 "Maybe for you." Haz mutters. "It freaked me out."

 "The look on your face was priceless."

 "Did you get a picture?"

 "Liam, Zee and I recorded it."

 "Hell." Haz groans. "I was being sarcastic."

 "I know, love."

 I kiss his throat and he pulls away from me. He stares at me for a minute before crashing his lips to mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and tug on his curls, causing him to moan. I smirk and pull away. He whimpers in protest and tries to pull me back. I untangle myself from him and he sighs.

 "Are you playing with me?" Haz asks.

 "I love you, Haz." I reply.

 "I love you, Boo."

  **__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

 When I saw the look that Ni gave Clara, I knew that I had no chance to win him over. He loved her and, by the look she gave him, Clara liked him. I knew that I had to let him go, and I knew I would let him go. Liam touches my shoulder, breaking me out of my thoughts, and I look at him. He loves me, I'm sure of it, and I love him, he doesn't know it yet.

 "You alright, Zee?" Liam asks.

 "I'm confused." I admit, closing my eyes.

 "How?"

 "I love Ni, but he loves Clara."

 "Is that all?"

 "You're taken too, Liam."

 "Danielle and I broke up a year ago."

 "You didn't tell anyone."

 "I never loved her, Zee. I love you."

 I kiss him and he immediately kisses me back. His fingers tangle in my hair and I wrap my arms around his waist, pulling him closer. My hands move under his shirt and he shivers at the contact. Someone clears their throat and Liam and I jump apart. Haz's step-mom is standing in the doorway, and she looks uncomfortable.

 "Harry and Louis!" Lis exclaims.

 I turn around in time to see Haz and Lou making out. At Lis's shout they reluctantly pull apart and I can see that their lips are swollen. Reality hits them and they face Lis, horror and fear covering their faces.

 "Are you four drunk or is this really happening?" Lis asks.

 "I think you know, Lis." Haz says.

 "You're not drunk."

 "We're not drunk." Liam assures her.

 "Are you homophobic?" I ask.

 "No. I'm not homophobic." Lis explains. "This is just a shock."

 "Mum?" Clara asks. "Are you alright?"

 "She's in shock, Cee." Ni says.

 "Go lay down, Lis." Lou suggests. "You need to rest."

 "Yeah. See you later, kids." Lis says.

 Lis disappears into her room and closes the door. Everyone sighs in relief and happiness flows through me. Lis accepts us. That's one down, four to go. We just need to figure out when and how we are going to tell them that we are either gay or bi.

 "Mum wants me home." Liam says.

 Liam kisses me goodbye and gives everyone else a hug goodbye. My phone vibrates and I check it.  _Mum_. Mum wants me to come home too. I wave goodbye to everyone and follow Liam out. I get in his car and he drives us home.


	5. Niall's Nightmare

**Clara**

 I roll over in my bed and sigh. I can't sleep after what happened today because, between the prank and Mum finding out about Haz, Lou, Liam and Zayn are either gay or bi, it was just too much. Everyone has limits, and this is my limit.

 Lou is asleep in Haz's room and Ni is asleep on the fold-out sofa in the rumpass room. Ni refused to go home to an empty house again and Lou's mum was going out so he decided to stay with Haz, Ni and me. It is going to be hard to make enough breakfast for all of us.

 I hear a whimper coming from outside and I frown. Another whimoer sounds and I check my phone.  _2am_. Someone yells and I jump out of my bed. I follow the whimpers down the hall and into the rumpass room. Ni is curled up in a ball and tears are running down his face. I run over to him and shake him.

 "Ni." I whisper. "Ni."

 "Don't leave me!" Ni whisper-shouts. "I'm sorry."

 "Wake up!"

 "Clara, please. Stay."

 I freeze and stop shaking him. He's having a dream about me? Why would I ever leave him? Did he do something wrong?  _Bad, Clara! Wake him up!_  I snap out of it and start shaking him again, desperate to wake him up from his horrid nightmare.

 "Ni, wake up!" I hiss.

 "I love you, Clara." Ni whimpers. "I really do."

 I bite my lip.

 "Stay. Please."

 "NIALL JAMES HORAN!" I yell in his ear.

 Niall jerks awake and I fall backwards, hitting the ground with a grunt. Niall sits up and looks around the room. His gaze reaches me and his eyes go wide. There is fear in his eyes and horror washes over me. Was his dream that horrible?

 "Clara?" Ni whimpers.

 "I'm here." I murmur.

 "Did you wake me up?"

 "Of course."

 "Why?"

 "You were having a nightmare."

 "Did I say anything?"

 "You told me not to leave you, to stay, that you were sorry."

 "Anything else?"

 "You said you love me."

 Ni freezes.

 "Is it true?"

 "Clara, you're Harry's little sister-"

 I cut him off. "Don't. Is it true?"

 Ni nods slowly.

 I sigh.

 "Don't leave me."

 "How can I leave you when I love you?"

 "You love me?"

 "Not like you think." I explain. "Just as a friend."

 "Good enough."

 Ni pulls me up off the ground and onto the fold-out sofa. Fresh tears are running freely down his face and I wipe them away. I pull him into a hug and he cries onto my shoulder. I hear someone shuffle into the room and we pull apart.  _Louis_.

 "Cee? Ni?" Louis mumbles. "What's going on?"

 "Ni had a nightmare, Lou." I explain.

 "You okay, Ni?"

 "I'll be fine." Ni says.

 "Night."

 "Night, Lou." Ni and I say.


	6. Prank Time

**Louis**

 I groan and open my eyes. Sunlight is shining through the half closed curtains that are covering the tall glass windows, into Haz's bedroom. I feel a weight on my chest and look down. Haz's curly head is on my chest and his arms are wrapped around my waist, holding me to him.

 I chuckle and check my phone.  _8am_. It's also a Sunday. There is a smell of pancakes, eggs and bacon in the air and I realize that someone is making breakfast. My stomach growls at me and Haz's eyes shoot open, shock covering his face.

 "Morning, love." I murmur.

 "Morning, Boo." Haz yawns.

 "Breakfast time."

 I untangle myself from Haz and get up. Haz whines in protest but complies when he smells the food. We race down the stairs and see Ni sitting at the island, inhaling food. I hear humming and see Clara standing at the stove.

 "Morning, Lou." Clara greets. "Where's Haz?"

 "Who knows?" I mumble. "I'm hungry."

 "So's Ni, so you better eat up."

 I snatch a pancake off the platter of food and Ni glares at me. I eat the pancake and poke my tongue out at him. He huffs and turns back to his food. I wait a minute before snatching two rashers of bacon and earning a growl, followed by a whimper, from Ni. I look up to see Clara glaring at Ni and Ni rubbing his red hand.

 "Be nice, or you'll get no more food." Clara snaps.

 "Fine." Ni grumbles.

 "Now apologise."

 Ni looks me in the eye. "Sorry, Lou."

 "It's fine, Ni." I reply.

 "Where  _is_  Haz?" Clara asks

 "I'll go get him up."

 "Lou?"

 "Yeah?"

 "Pour this in his hair."

 Clara hands me a brown-gold bottle and I look at the label.  _Golden Syrup_. I look up at Clara and grin at her. Clara shoos me away and Ni sends me a grin. Ni raises his hand for a high-five and Clara and I give him one.

 "You better be able to run fast." Ni says.

 "I can and will." I laugh.

 I run up the stairs and into Haz's room. I scan the room and see his curly head on his pillow. I walk over to the bed and tug on his curls. Haz groans and moves his head away. I open the syrup bottle and smile to myself.

 "Wake up, Haz." I say with an Irish accent.

 He mumbles something.

 I dump the syrup on his head and jump off the bed. I bolt down the stairs and I faintly hear Haz curse and fall out of his bed. Ni grabs my arm and points to an empty cupboard. I grin at him and climb in the cupboard, Ni closing the door. Haz thunders into the kitchen and almost slips over on the linoleum. A camera snaps and Ni chuckles.

 "Where is he?!" Haz demands.

 "What's wrong, Haz?" Clara asks.

 "He put syrup in my hair!"

 Clara laughs.

 "Not funny!"

 "He went home." Ni says.

 "I'll get him back!"

 "How?"

 "I'll throw him in the pool in winter or something!"

 "You know that I told him to?"

 "I'll get you back instead!"


	7. Her Room?

**Niall**

 I don't want to go home to an empty home house again, so I stay at Haz's again. Lou eventually agrees to stay as well, after hours of begging from Haz. All I can say is that it was hilarious to watch Haz and Lou argue.

 Liam and Zayn turn up a few hours after that, with their suitcases and tears are streaming down their faces. Their parents had kicked them out Liam and Zayn told them that they were gay, or bi in Liam's case. They are going to be sleeping in the rumpass room because they are going to be staying here for a while, leaving me with nowhere to sleep.

 "Ni." Clara says.

 "What's wrong, Cee?" I ask.

 "Haz reluctantly agreed to this."

 "What?"

 "IsuggestedthatyoucouldsleepinmyroomonamattressofcourseandHarryreluctantlyagreed." Clara says in one breath.

 "What?!"

 "I understood that." Liam says.

 "You understood  _that_?" I ask.

 "Do you want me to translate it or not?"

 "Translate, please."

 "I quote; 'I suggested that you could sleep in my room, on a mattress of course, and Harry reluctantly agreed.'"

 "How did you manage that, Li?" Zayn wonders.

 "Spending time with Phoebe, Daisy, Safaa and Waliyha." Liam explains.

 "Of course."

 "Can you go somewhere else and do whatever you're about to?" I ask.

 "Fine."

 They leave and I roll my eyes. I hear a muffled groan and face Clara. Her face is buried in her hands and, from what I can see, her face is bright red. I pull her into a hug and she buries her face into my shirt.

 "I'm so embarrassed." Clara says.

 "You'll survive." I whisper.

 "Let's go set up your bed."

 Clara leads me to a cupboard and opens it. She hands me a matching set of blue sheets and a heavy black blanket. She grabs a pillow with a matching case and closes the cupboard. We walk upstairs and Clara opens the door at then end of the hall.

 I expect her room to be girly, but thank goodness, it isn't. Her bed has a blue and white check quilt cover, a white wooden frame and light blue pillows. her walls are white with a few scattered posters of various artists, and her floor is hardwood with a white rug.

 "You hate it." Clara deadpans.

 "I don't." I protest.

 "Then what's wrong?"

 "It's very...blue."

 "And boyish."

 "How?"

 "Go have a look at those trophies."

 Clara takes the blankets off me and points to the shelves full of trophies. I walk over to the shelves and my jaw drops. There must be at least fifty or sixty gold and silver trophies here. I read the labels and my eyes widen.  _Swimming. Athletics. Football. Sprints._

 "Are these yours?" I ask.

 "Yes." Clara replies.

 "I'm in shock."

 "Don't die."

 "Not planning on it, C."

 "Good."

 "Why?"

 "I don't want to lose you."

 "Why not?"

 "You're my friend. One of my only friends."

 "There's that and something else. I can tell."

 "I care about few people, Ni."

 "Why?"

 "I'm not ready to tell anyone yet."

 "Have your way then."

 "Ni, the reason I care and trust so few people..." Clara trails off.

 I frown. "What?"

 "It destroyed my life."


	8. Family Arguements

**Niall**

 The mattress is softer than the fold-out sofa and I am almost asleep when I hear a whimper come from somewhere. I sit up and notice the sad expression on Clara's face. A yelp escapes her and I walk over to her bed. I shake her and she flinches away.

 "Clara." I whisper.

 "Don't. Please." Clara whimpers. "I didn't do anything."

 "Wake up."

 "Don't."

 "Cee."

 "Ni, help me."

 "I'm right here."

 "Don't touch him!" Clara snaps.

 "Clara!" I exclaim.

 "NO!"

 I shake her.

 "NI!"

 "Clara-Jane!"

 Her eyes fly open.

 "Clara?"

 "Am I dreaming?"

 "No. Why?"

 "He killed you."

 "You just had a nightmare."

 "Liam, Zee, Lou, Haz, Mum and Robin were dead."

 "What?!"

 "He hadn't killed you yet. I wouldn't let him."

 "Who?"

 "My father."

 "Try to sleep."

 She grabs my wrist. "Stay."

 "Clara..."

 "Please."

 "Move over."

 Clara smiles at me and shuffles over. I lift up the blankets and get into the bed with her. Clara cuddles up to me straight away and I put my arm around her. She sighs and I smile. Her eyes slowly droop and I allow myself to fall asleep too. I know that morning will come to soon and I hate it.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 "What the Hell is going on?!" Haz yells.

 "Clara had a nightmare and she begged me to stay." Ni explains.

 "You didn't try anything did you?"

 "Harry!" Lou snaps.  _Oh no_. "You know he wouldn't dare."

 I open my eyes and my jaw drops at the sight that lays before me. Ni is in my bed and Haz is laying on his stomach, on the floor, and Lou is sitting on top of Haz. Zayn is frozen in the doorway and Liam is trying not to laugh.

 "You're going to catch a fly, Zee." I laugh.

 Ni chuckles.

 "Oh." Zayn mumbles.

 "What are you gawking at anyway?" Haz growls.

 "Besides the fact that you only have a shirt on, nothing."

 Liam bursts out laughing and Zayn grins. Ni laughs very loudly and I cover my ears. Lou smiles and forces himself not to laugh. I grin and it gets wiped off my face when I see Haz's angry face. I make a cutting motion and the laughter stops.

 "I could ask why there is a bruise on Liam's neck, but we all know why." Haz retorts.

 Liam's eyes go wide. "W-What?"

 Zayn glares at Haz.

 Ni shares a look with Lou.

 "Harry Edward Styles!" I snap.

 Haz flinches.

 "Apologise."

 "Sorry, Liam. Sorry, Zayn."

 "Just don't do it again." Zayn mutters.

 "I won't. That was inexcusable."

 "Hell, it was unforgivable." Liam snaps.

 "I apologised! What more do you want?!"

 "Haz-" Ni starts.

 "STOP!" I yell. "Ganging up on Haz won't solve anything!"

 "Clara's right, lads." Lou agrees.

"Sorry, Haz." Zayn says.

"It's alright." Haz replies.

"I shouldn't have said what I did." Liam says.

Haz smiles. "I'll survive."

"Niall." Lou says. "Your turn."

"I didn't say anything!" Ni protests.

"Fine."

Everyone eventually goes to their rooms and gets dressed.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains self-harm and abuse. This chapter may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm.

**Clara**

The day passes in a blur and the only thing that stands out is when we play  _Truth_ _Or_ _Dare_ _._ We all sit in a circle and turn the light onto one of the lowest settings. We are spinning a water bottle instead of what is usually used.

"I'm going first." Liam announces, spinning the bottle. It lands on Ni. "Truth or dare?"

"Dare." Ni chooses.

"I dare you to not eat for the rest of the night."

"Fine." Ni groans, spinning the bottle. "Lou, truth or dare?"

"Dare." Lou decides.

"I dare you to make out with Zayn."

Zayn grumbles and Lou's eyes widen. He checks with Liam and Haz to see if it is alright and they tell him it is alright. Lou crawls over to Zayn and sits in front of him. Lou mumbles something to Zayn and Zayn nods in response.

"Get it over with!" Liam groans.

Zayn kisses Lou and the dare begins. Lou wraps his arms around Zayn's neck and Zayn wraps his arms around Lou's waist. It turns into full out snogging and I clear my throat when it starts to go further. They break apart and move away from each other.

"I'll get you back, Horan." Lou spins the bottle. "Cee, truth or dare?"

"Dare." I answer.

"I dare you to put a dress on."

Haz and I freeze. I stare at Lou with horror and start to tremble. I am never going to do that, no one can see the scars that cover my legs. Haz shakes me and I can see the fear in his eyes. If possible, tears would be running down my face. He sees my expression and pulls me into a hug.

"Don't make me show them." I whimper.

"Nobody's going to." Haz assures me.

"Cee?" Ni asks.

I whimper.

"Come here."

He pulls me into a hug and I eventually stop trembling. He strokes my hair and I shiver. Everyone sits in silence while I calm down. I pull away from Ni and rub my eyes to make it look like I had been crying. I sniffle and let out a shaky breath.

"Sorry, Cee." Lou apologises.

 "It's alright." I reply.

"Let's continue."

"Actually, I'm going to go to bednow."

"Okay. Night, Cee."

"Night."

"Night!" everyone yells.

I go through my room and into my bathroom. I close the door behind me and scan the room. I find the dull grey I am looking for and grab the razor. I take off my jeans and stare at the hundreds of scars on my legs. I press the razor to my leg and drag. I sigh at the sudden release. It feels good.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Niall**

"I have a bad feeling." I say.

"Go check it out." Haz tells me.

I get up and walk to Clara's room. I open the door and walk in, scanning the room. I hear a hiss of pain and I spin toward the bathroom. I open the door and gasp at the sight in front of me. Blood stains the mat on the floor and Clara is sitting in the middle of the blood.

"Bloody Hell, Clara!" I gasp.

Her head snaps up. "Get out."

"No."

She let's out a frustrated groan.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Do you  _really_ want to know?"

"Yes."

"My father came back a few years ago, wanting to get to know me. Mum, Robin and Haz reluctantly agreed to let him take me out. He took me out to lunch and, surprisingly, he was nice. It was just an act.

"After lunch, we were walking down an alley and, out of nowhere, he punched me. He beat me until I could hardly move without pain and then he burnt me with a cigarette. I still have the scars.

"He left me there to die. I called Haz and barely managed to tell him where I was before I passed out. After that I remember waking up in the hospital and telling Haz what had happened.

"Haz only told Mum and Robin that my father beat me, he didn't tell them that my father burned me. Only my father, Haz, you and I know what really happened that day. I was twelve, Ni."

"Where is your father now?" I ask.

"Life sentence in prison."

"Does Haz know about  _this_ _?_ "

"No. Let him find out on his own."

"He won't find out. Not on his own anyway."

"Why not?"

"He isn't one to invade peoples privacy and, no offence, but he isn't very bright."

"It's true. I'm not offended, but Haz would be if he heard that."


	10. Louis Found Out?

**Louis**

I hear every word that Clara and Ni are share in the bathroom. I slide down the wall and Clara's story replays over and over in my head.  _He_ _beat_ _me_ _until_ _I_ _could_ _hardly move._ _He_ _left_ _me_ _there_ _to_ _die_ _._ _My_ _father_ _burned_ _me_ _._ _I_ _was_ _twelve_ _,_ _Ni_ _._

"Clean up." Ni orders. "I'll wait in your room."

He walks out of the bathroom and closes the door. He falls onto his mattress and sighs. I let out a shaky breath and his head snaps up. He sees me sitting near the bathroom door and walks over to me.

"Lou?" Ni asks.

I nod.

"How much did you hear?"

"All of it."

"Lou." He pulls me into a hug.

"Ni?" Clara asks. "Who's crying?"

I look up.

"Lou?"

"Cee..." I trail off.

"How much did you hear?"

"All of it."

"Hell, Lou."

She falls down next to me and pulls me into a hug. I sob and my tears soak her shirt. Ni pulls us into one of his giant hugs and he starts crying heavily. We sit like this for what feels like hours before Haz comes in.

"Lou? Ni? Cee?" Haz asks. "What's going on?"

"What do you think, Haz?" Clara asks.

"You better not be pregnant."

"I'm not. Guess again."

"You didn't."

"They know."

"Clara."

"I trust very few people, Haz."

"That still-"

"You know why."

"I know. Remember what happened last time?"

"Ni and Lou are nothing like that bitch."

"What happened?" Ni asks.

"Back in Cheshire, a  _friend_ found out and she told the whole school Clara was a monster."

"We'd never do that." I say **.** **(** **A** **/** **N** **: See what I did there? No? Alright.** **)**

"Good." Clara says.

"I guess you should tell Zee and Li-Li." Ni suggests.

"You might want to wait until tomorrow." Haz mutters.

I groan. "They aren't. Tell me they aren't."

"I hope not."

"In the rumpass room?" Clara asks.

"Bathroom. Rumpass bathroom."

"Seven Minutes In Heaven?"

"Yeah."

"Haz." Ni and Clara groan.

"Zee dared Li-Li. I didn't do anything."

"I guess you're in the clear." Ni sighs.


	11. Niall And Clara Off?

**Clara**

 "Morning, Cee." Ni greets, coming down the stairs.

 "I made breakfast." I yawn.

 "Too early." Zayn groans.

 "Should've gone to sleep earlier." Lou mumbles.

 "Shut up, Lou!" Liam snaps.

 "Liam, don't be mean." Haz growls.

 "Everyone! Stop!" I yell. "Shut up and eat or leave and go without!"

 I plate up the eggs, bacon, sausages and pancakes. I give everyone their plate and they shut up and eat. They are all sitting at the table for a change and I only have shorts on do I quickly give them their food and go back to the stove. I hope nobody noticed, but curse Zayn for being so fucking observant.

 "Clara, what happened to your leg?" Zayn asks.

 Ni stiffens.

 "You mean the bandage?" I ask.

 Zayn nods.

 "I slipped in the shower."

 "Oh."

 I sit in front of Ni. "That was close."

 "I thought he meant the scars." Ni says.

 "So did I."

 "It's almost seven." Liam says.

 Haz and I share a look. I grin and jump over the island. Haz curses and climbs over the lounge. We rush up the stairs and fight for the handle for the bathroom. I get an idea and run to my bathroom. I hit the hot water button and the hot water hits me.

 "CLARA!!" Haz yells.

 "Sorry, Haz!" I yell back.

 Ni walks in and closes the bedroom door behind him.

 "I got the hot water!" I exclaim.

 "Can I shower?" Ni asks.

 " _Can_  you?"

 "Fine.  _May_ I shower?"

 "Yes."

 Ni whoops and I leave the bathroom. I hear Zayn and Liam yelling at Haz and Lou about the difference between hot and cold water. They can be so weird sometimes, but you get used to it. Zayn suddenly yelps and Lou laughs.

 I roll my eyes and get dressed. I decide on black acid wash skinny jeans, brown leather ankle boots and a white tee with a picture of my favourite band, Five Seconds of Summer, on it. I put my clothes on and fix my hair up.

 I turn around and see Ni standing there with just a pair of boxers on. I curse and cover my eyes. Ni lets out a small chuckle and I roll my eyes. I heat a rustle and still refuse to look at him. He chuckles under his breath and I growl.

 "What's wrong?" Ni asks, innocent.

 "Put some clothes on!" I hiss.

 "I do have clothes on."

 I reluctantly uncover my eyes and nod, wishing he had more on. He has black jeans on. He grins and puts on a white tee. He sits on the end of my bed and puts his supras on. I notice that we put similar clothes on, but decide not to say anything as my door opens and a curly head comes into view.  _Haz._

 "Time to go." Haz says.

 I grab my shoulder bag and follow Haz out of the house. Ni catches up to me and slings his arm over my shoulders. I shrug his arm off and he frowns at me because I never do that. We wait for Zayn and Liam with Haz and Lou.

 Haz and Lou get in Liam's car with him and Zayn and I curse. I am stuck with Ni. I get in the car and Ni drives us to school. As soon as Ni parks, I get out of the car and walk away. He catches up to me and grabs my arm.

 "Talk to me, Cee." Ni demands.

 "I have class, Ni." I snap.

 "Classes don't start till nine."

 _Damn_ _._  "I have friends."

 "We both know the truth."

 _Double_ _damn_ _._  "Just leave me alone."

 "And let the jocks beat you again?"

   _Fuck._ "How do you know about that?"

 "I'm on the football team, Cee."

 "Right." I roll my eyes. "Of course."

 "Clara, what did I do?"

 "What?"

 "Why do you hate me?"

 "I don't hate you."

 "Clara."

 "We'll talk later."

 "Where?"

 "The willow." I decide. "You know which one."


	12. Fight! Fight! Fight!

**Clara**

 My class gets let out early because a kid sets the textbooks on fire and throws them in the bin. We all run out into the hall and I swear someone is screaming. Everyone except me is going home, I am going to the willow to wait for Ni. I hear a twig snap and I look up.  _Ni_ _._

 "What happened, Cee?" Ni asks.

 "Some kid started a fire." I reply.

 "Did anyone get hurt?"

 "No."

 "Thank fuck." He pulls me into a hug.

 "Look what I found, mates." a boy sneers. "Little Clara found a boyfriend."

 I pull away. "He's just a friend, Jeremy."

 "She talks."

 "Leave her alone." Ni snaps.

 "You gonna make me, Horan?" Jeremy laughs.

 "I will." Lou replies, coming from behind the tree.

 "Two against eight? You're on."

 "Bring it." I challenge, kicking him in the gut.

 "You want it, you got it." Jeremy snarls.

 He throws a punch at my face and I duck. I hit him in the gut and he doubles over. I bring my knee up and he grabs it.  _Shit_. He flips me over and I hit the ground face first. I grunt at the impact and get up, blood pouring from my nose.

 "You got a boo-boo." Jeremy teases.

 I kick his gut again and he groans. I punch him between the eyes and he collapses. Everyone gasps and I look up. Jeremy's 'friends' are staring at me with a mixture of awe and fear. I glare at them and they flinch. I kick Jeremy and he mutters.

 "Take him and leave." I growl.

 They do as I say.

 "Cee, are you alright?" Ni asks.

 "Yeah." I reply. "Where's Lou?"

 "Some kid knocked him out."

 "Get me some water."

 I walk over to Lou and shake him. He mumbles and I sigh in relief. Thank fuck he isn't out cold. Ni hands me a bottle of water and I empty the water on Lou's face. His eyes fly open and he sits up quickly.

 "Why am I wet?" Lou mutters.

 "I dumped water on you." I reply.

 "Why?"

 "You were out."

 He scans my face. "Cee, you're bleeding!"

 "I'll live. You, on the other hand, may have a concussion."

 "I don't care."

 "Lou..."

 "You hit the ground pretty hard, Cee."

 "I'll live."

 "Harry'll kill us when he sees you."

 "He's seen me with worse."

 "Worse?"

 "Broken wrist, sprained ankle, concussion and cuts all on the same day."

 Everything blurs and I lean against the tree for support. I force my eyes to stay open and Lou watches me carefully. Ni calls someone and I can tell that it's Harry by the way the other person answers. I stumble and lou catches me before I hit the ground. I smile and everything goes black. Lou catches me and yells at Ni before I pass out completely.

 


	13. Hospital

**Louis**

 When Clara faints I catch her before she hits the ground and yell at Ni. He spins in my direction and pales when he sees Clara in my arms. He hangs up on a frantic Haz and we run to his car. He drives us to the hospital and we run in, Clara still unconcious in my arms.

 The nurses run over to us and call out some emergency thing. They rush Clara to the examination room and teel us to wait in the hall until we can see her. To make matters worse, Ni faints and Haz appears with Zayn and Liam.

 "Lou!" Haz calls.

 I look up. "Hey, Haz."

 "Where's Clara and Ni?"

 "They're both in examination."

 "Why aren't you? Ni said you got knocked out."

 "I refuse to go in until Ni and Clara are done."

 "Ni also said that someone else got knocked out."

 I smile. "Clara knocked out Jeremy Green."

 Haz looks shocked. " _Clara_  did that?  _Our_  Clara?"

 "Our Clara."

 "Shit."

 "He started it though."

 "Three years ago."

 "After the incident?"

 He nods.

 "Shit. That would have been hard."

 "Not just on Clara. It was hard on me too."

 "Louis Tomlinson?" a nurse asks.

 "Yes?" I ask, standing up.

 "Miss Rhode wants to see you."

 I nod and follow the nurse. She leads me into the exam room and I pale at the sight in front of me. Clara is laying on a hospital bed with plaster and bandages covering her. Her right leg is in a cast, half her face is red and purple and her right hand is in a bandage. She spots me and smiles. I sit next to the bed and sigh.

 "You're a mess, Lou." Clara laughs.

 "And you're in a hospital bed." I reply.

 "Touche, Tomlinson."

 I smile.

 "Wanna know a secret?"

 "Why not?"

 "After the incident, they told me I could never feel physical pain again."

 "What?!"

 "I'm numb. Pinch me and I won't feel pain. Burn me, and it won't hurt. It just feels weird."

 "That's...handy. I guess."

 "I guess." Clara looks around.

 "What?"

 "Where's Ni?"

 "In the bed next to you." a familiar Irish voice replies.

 "Fucking Hell, Ni!" I snap.

 "That's quite and interesting story, Cee."

 Clara frowns. "Thanks, I guess."

 "Does Haz know?"

 "Yep." Haz says, walking in. "I knew when she put her hand on the hot element, on the stove top."

 "I scared him shitless." Clara laughs.

 He sits on the other chair. "That you did."

 "I wish I had seen your face, Haz." I say.

 "Lou, can you get me my phone?" Clara asks.

 I hand Clara her phone and she unlocks it. She opens a few things and eventually hands me her phone. I laugh at the photo of fourteen year-old, dumbstruck Haz. I hand the phone to Ni and and he bursts out laughing.

 Haz blushes. "Clara."

 "I'm still showing Zayn and Li." Clara laughs.

 "After you get out of here." Ni tells her.

 "And after you tell them." I add.

 "Right." Clara sighs. "They don't know."


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Clara's texts are in bold, and Jeremy's are in bold italics. Just letting you know!
> 
> Over and out!!
> 
> ~Nae :)

**Clara POV**

 Ni and I were stuck in hospital for another two weeks before we were allowed to return home. Well, truth be told,  _I_  was stuck in the hospital. Ni just flat out refused to leave the hospital without me. Every single nurse thought we were going out, and Ni wasn't helping.

 "Ni." I say.

 "What's wrong, Cee?" Ni asks.

 "I thought of something."

 "What?"

 "You know how the lads act like they are together?"

 He nods slowly.

 "Well, Haz and Lou can be...Larry, and Zee and Li can be...Ziam."

 "That's a great idea!"

 "Not to their faces! At least, until we know for sure they are together."

 "Which will be a relief." Ni sighs.

 "What's wrong?"

 "Why did Jeremy start bullying you?"

 I mentally cringe. "I don't know."

 My phone vibrates and I check it. it is a text from an unknown number.

_**From: Unknown Number  
We need to talk. -J** _

 I save the contact and sigh. Why now?

**To: Jer  
When and where? -C**

**_From: Jer  
Park. 2morrow at 4. -J_ **

**To: Jer  
Done. -C**

 I lock my phone and Ni parks the car in the drive. I get out and 'walk' to the door. I open the door and go straight to my room. I collapse onto my bed and pretend to be asleep when Ni comes in. He chuckles and brushes my hair out of my face.

 "I know you think you are ugly, love." Ni sighs. "You're beautiful, and I love you."

 I hold back a comment.

 "It's more than friendly love, and I don't know what you feel."

 "Really, Niall." I sit up. "You wait until you think I am asleep to tell me."

 "Clara..."

 "You're a coward."

 I get up and he backs away.

 "Admit it."

 "No."

 I throw him a pillow and a blanket.

 "What are you doing?"

 "Admit it or get out. They are your only options."

 "No."

 I push him toward the door and he fights me.

 "Clara!"

 "We're home!" Haz calls.

 "Get out!" I hiss. "Or I'll make a scene."

 "No!" Ni snaps.

 I shove him. "GET OUT!"

 "Clara?" Haz yells.

 "Calm down, Cee!" Ni hisses.

 "No!" I snap.

 "Clara, what's going on?" Lou asks.

 "Just admit it, Ni, and I'll stop."

 "I'm not a coward!" Niall exclaims.

 "YES YOU ARE!" I scream, slamming the door.

 I lock the door and lean against it. A sob rises in my throat and I wish that I  _could_  cry. I slide down the door and pull my knees up to my chest, hugging them tightly. I bury my face in my knees and thoughts rush through my mind.

 When did this start?

  _Why_  did this start?

 Did I lead him to believe that I still liked him?

 Did he think that he could keep that secret from me?

 I block out everything and close my eyes. Someone knocks on my door and I ignore them. They sigh and I realize that it is Lou. I have half a mind to answer it, but I can already imagine what he will say. Lou walks away a few minutes later and I eventually fall asleep.


	15. Cheater?

**Zayn**

 "I feel sorry for Ni." Liam sighs. "Clara was harsh on him."

 "She had the right, Li." I reply.

 "How?"

 "Clara shouldn't have found out that way."

 "So it was an instant reaction?"

 "That's how I see it."

 "Lou and I agree." Haz says.

 "I'm going to check on Ni." Liam tells us, leaving.

 "Have you told him?"

 "What?" I ask.

 "That you love him." Lou sing-songs.

 "I'm going to."

 "Li won't wait forever, Zayn."

 "How do you  _really_  feel about Liam?" Haz asks, deadly serious.

 "I love him." I declare.

 "Come on, Li. Nobody likes a lurker." Lou says, looking up.

 I turn around and Liam comes in, blushing. I laugh and pull him into a hug. Instead of hugging me, he crashes his lips to mine and wraps his arms around my neck. I pull him closer and kiss him back. The kiss is bliss, as close to heaven you can get on Earth.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Louis**

 Haz and I leave Zayn and Li to themselves after they start snogging. We walk to Haz's room, me pausing outside of Clara's room for a second before continuing to his room. We sit on his bed and sigh, glad that they are finally happy.

 "They finally admit their feelings to each other." Harry sighs.

 "Thank goodness." I chuckle. "No more tortured looks."

 "What are  _we_ , Boo?"

 "What do you mean?"

 "Are we friends or are we more?"  **(A/N: Do you get it?! No? Seriously?! Again?!)**

 I grin. "Do you want more?"

 "Louis William Tomlinson, will you be my boyfriend?"

 "Harold Edward Styles, I will."

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 I can hear every word that Lou and Haz, and Zayn and Li are saying. It makes me happy that they are happy and have admitted that they have feelings for each other. It also makes me sad because they have something I never will.

_**From: Jer  
** _ _**I'm sorry.** _

**To: Jer  
Why? I deserve it.**

**_From: Jer  
Why would you think that?_ **

**To: Jer  
Tell you 2morrow.**

**_From: Jer  
I'll tell you why I deserve what you did 2 me._ **

**To: Jer  
Nobody deserved that. Sorry.**

**_From:Jer  
I started the whole thing._ **

**To: Jer**  
Tired. Talk 2morrow. Night. _  
_

**_From: Jer  
Night. Don't let the bed bugs bite._ **

**To: Jer  
Ditto.**

 I turn my phone off and put it on the charger. Haz and the lads say goodnight and then silence descends upon the whole house. I roll over and curse into my pillow. I hate that the boys have something that I never will, and that Ni is still gone.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

 I hear my door open and open my eyes slightly to see Lou walking in. He sniffles and falls onto the mattress. I sit up and get out of my bed. I walk over to the mattress and kneel next to it. I put my hand on Lou's arm and he looks at me.

 "Did I wake you?" Lou whispers.

 I shake my head. "What's wrong?"

 "It's nothing important."

 "Louis."

 "I just got s phone call."

 "What happened?"

 "My mother..."

 "Does she have cancer or something, Lou?"

 He nods. "Lung cancer."

 "Oh, Lou."

 "I don't know how. Neither her or Mark smoke."

 "It isn't always caused by smoking."

 He nods slowly and I pull him into a hug. He buries his face in my shirt and I stroke his hair. Why did this have to happen to sweet, carefree Louis? He didn't do anything to deserve it, and he won't. I guess it's just life.

 "Try get some sleep." I murmur.

 "I can't, Cee." Lou mutters.

 "Try. For Haz? For me?"

 He nods slowly and lays beck on the mattress, closing his eyes. I smile and start to get up. He grabs my wrist and pulls me onto the mattress. I hear him chuckle when I squeak, and I hit his chest. He just wraps his arm around my waist and I roll my eyes.

 "What else is bothering you?" I ask.

 Lou hesitates.

 "Louis."

 "I don't know why he did it."

 "Who?"

 "Harry."

 My eyes widen. "What did that shit head do now?"

 "He cheated on me."

 "Already?!"

 He nods. "With some blonde-brown chick."

 "That sounds familiar."

 "I know."

 "Don't confront him yet."

 "Why not?"

 "I want to see if he does it again."

 "So he will eventually get reckless?"

 "Yeah."

 "Why?"

 "I want to catch him in the act."

 "Fine. I am reluctantly agreeing to this."

 "That's all I need, Lou."

 He kisses my forehead. "Night, love."

 I smile. "Night, Lou."


	16. Jeremy's Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Harry's texts are in bold italics and Clara's are in bold. Thx.
> 
> ~Nae :)

**Clara**

 I wake up with my head on Lou's chest and his arms encircling my waist. I chuckle and his eyes slowly open. They are bloodshot and his cheeks are bright red and tear stained. He smiles down at me and I get off of the mattress so he can get up.

 He heads into my bathroom and I run to my closet. I take out a pair of blue skinny jeans, tan tank top, my check shirt and green-blue shoes. I put them on and apply my lip gloss. I make my bed and fix the blankets on the mattress.

 Lou exits the bathroom and he looks a bit more human then before. I smile at him and he smiles back before heading ino Haz's room to get dressed. I go down the stairs and start cooking breakfast. Ni yells out 'FOOD' and everyone thunders down the stairs.

 I plate up the sausages, pancakes, eggs, cooked tomatos and bacon. They attack the food instantly and I chuckle, eating a small bit of bacon off my plate. Ni wanders over for more food and I hand him my still full plate. He thanks me and eats all of it.

 The rest of the day passes in a blur and I am suddenly call Haz, telling him that I'll be home later than usual. He warns me to be careful, be home before ten and then hangs up. Typical Harry stuff. I hear leaves crunch not long after and I look up to see Jeremy.

 "Hey." Jeremy greets, sitting next to me.

 "Hey." I reply.

 He motions to my leg. "I'm sorry."

 "My father beat it into me."

 "What?"

 "That I am a monster. Ugly. That I can never be loved."

 "Why?"

 I take one glove off. "This."

 "Six fingers. No big deal."

 "Twelve."

 "Huh?"

 I show him my other hand. "Twelve fingers."

 "You're still human."

 I roll my eyes.

 "I took my anger out on you for three years, and I'm sorry."

 "Do I even want to know why?"

 "You need to."

 "Fire away."

 "When I was twelve I figured out I was bi. I told my parents, expecting them to be okay with it. My mother was, but my dad wasn't. He beat me up for he first time that night, andI never forgave him. I ran away a month later and a family saved me. I've been with them ever since and they've accepted me."

 "Why me?" I ask.

 "My friend told me you were a monster, and being me, I believed him."

 "Who told your friend?"

 "His friend's girlfriend got told by Clayton and she told my friend."

 "Clayton is an asshole."

 "That he is."

 I sigh. "That's not the only reason is it?"

 "I also did it because I started to feel a connection towards you."

 "You could have just told me."

 "I know that  _now_."

 "Do you still like me?"

 "No. I've moved on."

 "That's good."

 "I can tell that Niall likes you."

 "He told me when he thought I was asleep."

 "And?"

 "I kicked him out of my room."

 "You're sharing a room?"

 "Haz and Lou have Haz's room and Li and Zayn have the rumpass room. Nowhere else to sleep."

 "I feel sorry for you."

 "Thanks, Jer."

 "Anytime, C."

 "Friends?"

 "Friends."

 My phone vibrates and I check it.

_**From: Haz :P  
Lis and Robin want u home.** _

**To: Haz :P  
I'll get Jer to drop me off.**

_**From: Haz :P  
Jer? Jeremy Green?!** _

**To: Haz :P  
Calm down. We r friends.**

 I lock and put my phone away.

 "What's up?" Jer asks.

 "My brother wants me home." I sigh.

 "I understand that."

 "How?"

 "He thinks you're too young to be out late."

 "Way too much."

 "Yeah."

 "Oh! Can you drive me home?"

 "Sure."

 "Thanks."

 "What are friends for?"


	17. Cooking Experience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains some self-harm. This chapter may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm.

**Louis**

 A car pulls up out the front and I frown. Clara climbs out of it and waves as the car drives away. That must have been 'Jer' driving. I open the front door and lean against the frame. Clara faces me and I'm surprised to see an actual smile on her face.

 "Why were you with Jeremy?" I ask.

 " _You_  texted me." Clara scoffs. "Haz isn't here is he?"

 "Harry went out with Li, Zayn and Ni."

 "You're mad at me."

 "I'm annoyed."

 "You only call Haz 'Harry' when you're mad, Lou."

 "You're observent."

 Clara sniffs. "What's burning?"

 I face palm. "Shit!"

 I bolt into the kitchen and take the 'toast' from the toaster. Clara sighs and follows me into the kitchen, closing the door behind her. I throw the 'toast' in the garbage and Clara laughs. I grin at her and she rolls her eyes.

 "Charcoal again?" Clara asks.

 "Yep." I reply.

 "Haz should've taught you how to cook."

 "Well, he obviously didn't."

 "Do you want me to?"

 "You can teach me if you want."

 Clara grins and starts by teaching me how to use a knife properly. We then start to make scrambled eggs and I realise that I can actually cook. Clara bumps into me and the chopped tomato and onion goes everywhere. We laugh and pick up the lost food, unaware that we had an audience.

 I add the tomato and onion to the eggs and mix them together. Clara places two plates on the bench and I plate up the food. We put salt and pepper on the eggs and I grin, pulling her into a hug. I didn't burn anything.

 "Good job, Lou." Clara praises.

 I hug her tighter. "Thanks for helping."

 "Anytime."

 "L-Lou?" Haz stutters.

 Clara and I spin around.

 "C-Cee?"

 "Did you seriously cook, Lou?" Zayn asks.

 I nod sheepishly.

 "It looks good!" Ni exclaims.

 Clara rolls her eyes. "All food looks good to you."

 "True."

 "Louis is growing up!" Liam exclaims. "I think I might die of shock!"

 "No, Liam!" Zayn cries, catching a falling Liam. "Don't you dare die!"

 "It's too late, Zee."

 "It's not!"

 "I love you."

 "I love you."

 "Ziam." Clara mutters.

 "Ziam." Ni agrees.

 "Will you do one thing for me?" Liam asks.

 "Anything, Li." Zayn says.

 "Be my boyfriend?"

 "Yes!"

 They kiss and Liam stands up.

 "He lives!" Haz screams, hiding behind me.

 "Do you want me to tell them?" I ask.

 "Go ahead."

 "Well, guys, Haz and I are boyfriends."

 Liam, Zayn and Ni pull us into a giant hug and Clara smiles sadly at us, like she knows something is going to happen. Ni pulls away and clears his throat.  _Oh, shit_. Ni has an announcement, and, from the look on Clara's face, it isn't going to be good.

 "I have a girlfriend." Ni announces.

 I swear Zayn squeals like a girl at that comment. A grin spreads on Liam's face. Haz's face half drops before smiling again.

 "What's her name?" Haz asks.

 "Clarity Thyme." Ni answers.

 Haz, Liam and Zayn swamp Ni, and Clara vanishes from sight. I run up the stairs and into her room. All I can hear is the lads downstairs and the faint sound of music. I hear a hiss of pain and I trace the sound to her bathroom. I open the door and my stomach drops at the familiar sight.

 "C-Clara?" I stutter.

 "Lou, you weren't meant to see this." Clara says, her eyes dark.

 "Why not?"

 "I know how hard it is for you."

 "And you think this isn't?!"

 "I know it is! That's why I didn't tell you!"


	18. Zayn Finds Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains self-harm. This may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or are recovering from self-harm.

**Clara**

 At least it is Lou that just found out and not any of the other lads. Why? you ask. It's because I caught Lou cutting last year when he found out that he was bi, and that he liked Haz. I actually  _forced_  him to stop, but I couldn't even stop myself.

 "How long has this been going on?" Lou asks.

 "Since the incident." I reply.

 "Three years."

 "I can't stop, Lou. I've tried everything."

 "How can you feel it?"

 ""I can still feel in my left leg."

 "Why do you do this to yourself?"

 "It takes away the pain I feel inside."

 "What causes the pain?"

 I tense.

 "Or  _who_  causes the pain?"

 "Ni. It's just too hard."

 "What is?"

 "Seeing him only happy when he's with you guys."

 Lou motions to the razor. "Give me one."

 I give him one from behind the sink.

 "Thanks."

 He takes off his bracelet and slices his wrist open. He sighs and leans against the closed. I cut my leg and blood pours from the cut and down my leg. Lou adds three more cuts to his wrist before I take the razor from his hand.

 "No more." I tell him.

 "Tell me when you do this again." Lou sighs.

 "Why should I?"

 "I want to join you."

 "You're welcome to join."

 He closes his eyes.

 "Does Haz know?"

 "About me or you?"

 "You."

 "He may. He never asked me."

 Lou wraps a bandage around my leg and I get up. I flip the mat over and Lou stands up. I wash the blood off his wrist and wrap the bandage around his hand and wrist so Haz can think that Lou cut himself in the kitchen.

 Someone knocks on the door and Lou freezes. He takes one look at me before trying to clean up the blood on the floor. I throw the razors in the cupboard and wash out the sink. They knock on the door again and I open it, freezing instantly.  _Zayn_.

 "Let me in." Zayn orders.

 "Lou, it'll heal." I say. "You can-"

 "He's staying."

 "Zayn..."

 He closes the door. "What  _really_  happened to your leg?"

 "I told you; I slipped in the shower."

 "What happened to your hand, Lou?"

 "I cut it while cooking." Lou replies.

 "What's wrong with you, Zayn?" I ask.

 "Why are you still cutting?" Zayn sighs.

 " _Cutting_?" Lou asks, disbelief colouring his voice. "I stopped last year."

 "Sure you did, Lou."

 "I did!"

 "It's not that easy, Louis!"

 "No, but Clara helped me!"

 "How? Tell me that and I  _may_  believe you!"

 Lou shakes his head. "How can't you trust me, Malik?"

 Zayn fists his hair. "Maybe because you've lied about this before! Did you ever think about that?!"

 "Did you ever think that your boyfriends could hear you?!" I hiss. "Shut up!"

 "What about you?" Zayn growls. "How do you explain the blood on your leg?"

 "It's Lou's! I helped him clean the cut!"

 "Sure you did."

 "What makes you say that?"

 "How much blood did he lose from  _one_  cut?"

 "Not that much."

 "How do you explain the amount of blood I'm standing in right now?"

 Lou looks at the floor and his eyes go wide. I follow his gaze and there is a small pool of blood under Zayn's feet.  _Fuck_. I look from the blood to Zayn and back. Zayn's expression is one of sadness and anger.

 "How do you explain it, Clara?" Zayn demands.

 "FINE!" I half yell.

 "What?"

 "We're cutting! Is that what you wanted to hear?!"


	19. Zayn's Secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains self-harm. This chapter may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm.

**Zayn**

 I pale when the words I fear leave Clara's mouth. Lou sighs and looks at me with sorrow and defeat. I can see the tears in his eyes, but there is none in Clara's.  _Weird_. I rub the inside of my arm without thinking and suddenly Lou is holding my arm and Clara is pushing up my sleeve, revealing my scars.

 "This is how you knew." Clara breathes.

 " _How_  did you know what to look for?" Lou asks.

 "There was fear in your eyes." I explain. "I knew you were hiding something, I just didn't know what until I saw the blood."

 "You can't tell Haz or Liam." Clara says.

 "Niall knows." Lou mutters. "Figures."

 "He caught me."

 "You have to tell them." I tell them.

 Clara narrows her eyes. "Have you told Liam?"

 "Liam knows. He caught me last year."

 "Did you stop?"

 "Yes."

 "Good." Lou sighs. "You don't need this."

 "Neither of you do." Clara says. "You have the lives I don't - can't have, and this-" she gestures around "-is my life."

 "Since when?" I demand.

 Lou tenses. "Oh."

 "What?"

 "You shouldn't have..."

 "Why not?"

 "Zayn." Clara whispers.

 "What?" I ask.

 "Go get Liam, Haz and Ni."

 "In here?!"

 She shakes her head. "My room."

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 Lou sits next to me on my bed and puts an arm around me. I bury my face in his shirt and hug him. I want to cry, but I can't. He strokes my hair and, that simple motion, calms me. My door opens and Zayn, Liam, Haz and Ni walk in, confusion on their faces.

 Zayn closes the door and sits on Ni's mattress. Liam sits in front of him and looks at Lou and me with confused but knowing eyes. Haz sits next to Zayn and keeps his eyes on Ni as Ni leans against the wall.  _Weird_.

 "Cee, are you doing what I think?" Haz asks.

 "What are you thinking?" I ask.

 "The incident." Haz and Ni say.

 "Yeah."

 Haz sighs. "It's your story."

 "Liam, Zee. I'm sorry that you're the last to find out."

 "FInd out what?" Liam asks.

 "My secret."

 I tell them how, that when I was born, my father abandoned me and my mother. I tell them how we barely survived on the streets for five until Robin took us in. I tell them how hard it was to fit in, something I never even told Haz.

 I eventually tell them how my father came back when I was twelve, wanting to make ammends. I tell them how he took me out for lunch and was suprisingly nice to me. I tell them how we were walking down an alley and how he beat and burnt me.

 I tell them how he left me there to die and how I called Haz. I tell them how I woke up in hospital about a month later and how Haz wanted to know what happened. Of course I told him. When I went back to school I was bullied really bad and we had to move.

 I tell them everything, except the cutting and personal bits. Everyone, except me, is either crying or teary eyed by the end and, believe me, it is embarrassing to see five boys, almost adults, crying over something as trivial as this.

 "How can you live with that?" Liam sniffles.

 "I can live with it because it really happened." I say.

 "That just makes it worse!" Zayn cries.

 "Nobody died, Zee."

 "You could have!" Ni snaps.

 "Ni." Lou warns.

 "If we hadn't met you, we wouldn't be here. Li and Zee wouldn't be together, neither would Lou and Haz."

 "Get out." I whisper, anger lacing my voice.

 "Niall. Go." Haz says, the fear clear in his voice.

 "No." Ni retorts.

 I fist my hands.

 "Niall." Zayn snaps. "You need to go."

 "No I don't." Ni growls.

 I walk over to him. "Get out!"

 "No."

 "I don't want to, Niall, but I will if I have to."

 "I'm still not leaving."

 "Why not?"

 " _Someone_  needs to help you."

 I punch him in the jaw and he tumbles to the ground. Zayn holds Liam down and Lou holds Haz back. Ni gets up and glares at me but there is fear in his wide, blue eyes. I point in the direction of the door and he walks out, holding his jaw.

 "Haz." Liam sighs. "Go after him."

 Haz runs past me and follows Ni out the door. Lou pulls me into a hug and I bury my face in his shirt. I have  _never_  wanted to cry this much, and I absolutely hate it. We sit on the bed and I hear Liam sniffle. Lou nods and my door closes.

 "I hate him, Lou." I mumble. "So much."

 "I know, Cee." Lou murmurs. "Right now I do to."

 "I only started to hate him when he told me that he liked me."

 "Why is that?"

 "He didn't have the courage to say it to my face."

 "Technically-"

 "Louis."

 "All I was going to say is that he did tell you before."

 I pull away. "When?"

 "Truth Or Dare. Two years ago."

 "When I was thirteen?"

 "Not long after you got out of hospital actually."

 "I honestly don't remember."

 "You wouldn't. You were a bit drunk for some reason."

 "It was _Truth Or Dare_ , Lou. What did you expect?"

 "To stay sober and-"

 "Look after Haz, Zee, Liam and Niall? I did that anyway."

 "If I recall correctly, I helped with that."

 "By babying Haz."

 Lou's smile fades. "About Harry..."

 My smile vanishes and I look at him. "What did he do this time?"

 "The blonde."

 "He's dead!"

 I jump off my bed and am out the door before Lou can react. He runs after me and grabs me around the waist just before I get to the bottom of the stairs. I yell and fight his hold. I hear footsteps running towards us and I double my efforts.

 "Liam!" Zayn yells. "Help us out here!"

 Liam comes closer and the others loosen their hold slightly.  _Oops_. I jump out of their hold and sprint out the door. Someone tackles me to the ground and I elbow them in the face. They groan and I realize that it is Liam.

 I grin and put on fake tears. Liam loosens his hold and gets off of me.  _Idiot_. I jump up and sprint into the fine copse of trees. I reach the beach and see Haz in the distance with someone else. I walk towards them and then I recognize the other person.

 "What the actuall fuck?!" I curse.

 I jump behind a tree and get my phone out. I set it to video and Haz walks my way, with the blonde. I move the camera onto them and a lump rises in my throat. I don't know how Lou will react when he sees this, but it isn't going to be good. Their conversation gets louder and I strain to hear what they are saying.

 "What am I doing?!" Haz exclaims.

 The blonde shrugs.

 "A shrug isn't really helping, Blondie!"

 "Calm down, Hazza." Blondie says.

 "I'm with Lou and I'm cheating on him. With my other friend!"

 "How is he going to find out?"

 The accent hits me and my face pales. No. Why? All kinds of thoughts are rushing through my head and only one stands out, the one that shocks even me.  _Why Niall_? That's all I can focus on, but there has to be more to this.

 "I love you, Harry." Ni says.

 "I love you more, Niall." Haz replies.

 What happens next shocks me to the core. Haz pulls Ni to him and  _kisses_  him. On the mouth! I can't stop the small gasp that escapes me, but the boys are too consumed by their kiss that they wouldn't hear me if I started screaming.

 For the first time in years, tears sting my eyes. I leave them there and stop recording. I sprint back through the trees and into my house. I slam the front door behind me and dash up the stairs. I run into my room and collapse onto my bed, right next to a frightened Louis.


	20. Jeremy's Disfiguration

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: A lot of the chapters contain self-harm These chapters may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm. Sorry for having so much of it in this story!

**Louis**

 I wake up in Clara's room and feel a weight on my chest. My eyes open slowly and I look down to see Clara's light red face facing me. Her eyes slowly open and my blue eyes meet her brown eyes. I smile at her and she actually smiles back.

 "Do you know how many times I have seen you  _actually_  smile?" I ask.

 "No." Clara murmurs.

 "Twice."

 "I don't smile as much as I used to."

 "Is it because of...you know?" I touch my wrist.

 "That and my father."

 "Not Jer?"

 "He actually helped me. The physical pain helped a lot."

 "I know."

 Haz opens the door. "Clara. Lou."

 We close our eyes and pretend to be asleep.

 "They still asleep?" Liam asks.

 "Yeah." Haz answers.

 "Is Ni coming to school?"

 "Yeah. How's Zee?"

 "He didn't go to bed until 5."

 "He can stay with Lou and Cee."

 "That's fine."

 The door closes and we open our eyes. Liam and Haz reach the bottom of the stairs and Clara bites her hand to stiffle her laughter. The door opens again and she instantly closes her eyes. I look up and tense.  _Niall_.

 "Go away, Niall." I snap. "You've done enough."

 "I want to apologise." Ni says.

 "To Cee or me?"

 "Both of you."

 "Apology denied on my account."

 "Lou-"

 "Leave!"

 Ni closes the door and Clara opens her eyes. She sits up and glares at the closed door. I hear Liam's car drive away and start to get out of bed. Clara hands me her phone and I look at her in shock. 

 "Just watch the video." Clara murmurs.

 I open the video and the first thing I see is white-gold sand and crystal blue water. She is at the beach. In the distance I can hear voices and suddenly two people are in the picture. I can tell that one of them is Haz and the other is the blonde.

 The voices get closer and I hear a familiar accent. The conversation gets clearer and tears sting my eyes when I finally recognise the second voice. Haz and  _Niall_  are talking about Haz cheating on me with Ni. Suddenly they tell each other they love each other and what happens next shocks me to the core. They kiss.

 I throw the phone at the wall and Clara pulls me into a hug. I sob and Zayn runs in to se what all the noise is about. He sees me crying and instantly pulls me into a hug. I push them both away and hug my knees to my chest.

 "What are you doing in here, Zee?" Clara asks.

 "I came to see what all the comotion is about." Zayn answers.

 "Rewind the video on my phone."

 "This one?"

 "If it still works. Yeah."

 Zayn watches the video and throws the poor phone at the wall a second time. He sits on the edge of the matress before he starts cursing back and front, up and down.  **(A/N: This is just a phrase I use. :) )**  He eventually throws a pillow at the wall and I chuckle as his weird motion.

 "Why did you come here anyway, Zee?" Clara asks.

 "I originally felt angry and stressed." Zayn sighs. "Now I am as pissed as fuck and want to kill someone!"

 "I know only two things that will help." I say.

 "What's that?"

 "Hit someone or something."

 "Or?"

 "Cut." Clara says.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 The next thing I know, we are all in my bathroom with blood coated razors in our hands. Zayn's face is unusually calm and Lou is reclining against the closed door. They're too still, but I know that they are alive. Am I the only one that is still angry and stressed in here?!

 "Not enough." I mumble when Louis takes my razor.

 "You've cut at least ten times, Cee." Zayn says.

 "Enough." Lou says.

 "It's not enough!" I snap.

 "You'll die if you cut much more."

 "I don't care!"

 "Everyone that lives here does!" Zayn exclaims.

 I wrap a bandage around my leg and clean up the blood on the floor. I throw the mat into the washing machine and start it. I turn around and see that both Lou and Zayn have a few bracelets covering the bandages on their wrists. They are looking at me with fear and worry.

 "What?" I ask.

 "Do you want to die?" Lou asks.

  _Yes_. "I don't know, Lou."

 "That's not an answer."

 "I do but I don't. That make sense?"

 He nods. "Why?"

 "I only have seven people to live for."

 "Is Niall one of them?" Zayn asks.

 "No."

 "Then who?"

 I look at Lou and his eyes go wide.

 "Please not who I think." Lou begs.

 "If it's Jer, then yeah." I reply.

 "Why Jeremy?"

 "He is so similar to me. He understands my situation."

 "And you think  _we_  don't?!"

 "He is like me. His is disfigured."

 "How?"

 "His feet. They're all...twisted."

 "Twisted as in how?"

 "Almost literally. He has six toes on each foot, his actual foot is dented and - I'm gonna be sick."

 I throw up in the toilet and Lou rubs my back. Jer wouldn't be angry or annoyed if he knew why I was doing this. Also what I was doing; throwing up over the thought of his disfigured feet. He's my brother, but I can't tell Lou, Haz, Ni, Liam and Zayn. I promised.


	21. Clara Tries and Harry Finds Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This chapter contains self-harm. This chapter may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm. Still very sorry!

**Mystery Person**

 She is broken, not like a toy, but like a person. She is torn between life and death, just like many others in this fragile world. She makes me smile, laugh and angry, but I still love her and want her to be happy. I'll mend her broken life.  _Clara Jane Rhode-Styles_.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 Lou and Zayn are watching some stupid cartoon on the television and laughing their heads off while I am cooking breakfast/lunch for us. The glint of a silver blade catches my eye and I force myself to ignore it. I serve up the food and the boys sit at the island.

 "Are you alright?" Lou asks.

 "Yeah." I reply.

 "You're on edge."

 "It feels strange."

 "It's Friday. The lads and I will take you out."

 "Where to?"

 "Sam's party."

 "You want me to drink?" I ask in disbelief.

 Zayn shrugs. "It helps."

 "It numbs everything." Lou adds.

 "Live a little."

 "I'll come." I sigh. "Haz won't be happy."

 "Haz actually suggested it." Lou grins.

 "I'm fifteen, almost sixteen."

 "And? I'm nineteen."

 "You're closer to the legal drinking age."

 "Who cares?" Zayn sighs. "Age is age."

 "Don't start!" I snap.

 "We're home!" Haz yells.

 I take advantage of their distraction and race up the stairs. Lou curses and runs after me. I run into my bathroom and instantly cut my wrist open. I hear a curse and look at my door. Lou is frozen in horror and Zayn is behind him. They slam the door and try to stop the rushing blood.

 "Lou." I say. "I want this."

 "No you don't." Lou argues.

 "Why wouldn't I?"

 "Jeremy."

 I feel guilty. "Jer..."

 "Haz, Liam, Ni, Zee and I don't want this."

 "Niall wants me out of his life."

 "Not dead!"

 "I should be."

 "You shouldn't."

 "Why not?"

 "We need you!" Zayn yells.

 "Zayn-" I start.

 "No, Clara! You are needed here and now! Nobody would miss you. Is that what you're thinking? You're wrong! Everyone would miss you! You may think that you're not needed or wanted, that you are fucking worthless. You're so wrong! We need you, we want you here and you are not fucking worthless! Do you understand me?!"

 Lou stares at Zayn in shock. "W-O-W!"

 "I'm sorry!" I cry. "I'm so sorry!"

 Zayn pulls me into a hug. "It's alright."

 "It's not!"

 "Just don't do it again."

 "Ever?"

 "Just not your wrists." Zayn whispers.

 I nod. "I promise."

 "Good."

 "Lou?" Haz yells through the door. "What's going on?"

 Lou looks at me.

 "We have to tell him." I sigh.

 "Cee." Zayn says. "Are you sure?"

 "He needs to know."

 "Lou? Zee? Cee?" Haz calls. "Answer me!"

 Lou sighs and opens the door. Haz scans the room and his gaze lands on the blood on the floor, the razor and Zayn holding a cloth over my wrist. He goes white and stares at me with a mixture of horro, shock and sadness in his wide, green eyes.

 "What?" Haz rasps. "Clara?"

 "Harry." I whisper. "I'm sorry."

 "You better explain."

 "We will."

 " _We_?!"

 Lou and Zayn nod.

 "Louis?" Harry breathes.

 Lou cringes at the use of his full name.

 "What is Clara talking about?"

 "We're having a meeting." Lou says. "Now."


	22. Ziam Finds Out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains references to self-harm and abuse. This chapter may trigger. Don't read if you self-harm or if you are recovering from self-harm. So fucking sorry.

**Clara**

 My bedroom is like...the room of bad news, and I hate it. Lou, Zayn and I are sitting on my bed, Haz is sitting on the mattress with Liam, and Ni is, well... being himself. He is lounging on the floor texting someone. Probably Clarity.

 "Put the phone away, Niall." Haz snaps.

 Ni sighs. "Fine."

 "Zee." Liam says. "What's going on?"

 "Everyone needs to know, Li." Zayn says.

 "Good idea."

 "Lou." I murmur.

 "What?" Lou whispers.

 "I'm starting to think that this is a bad idea."

 "We're doing the right thing."

 "Enough!" Haz snaps. "Spill."

 "Zayn." Lou and I say.

 Zayn sighs. "Just do it, Cee."

 I roll my eyes. "Fine."

 Ni glares at me for some reason.

 "Well, as everyone should know, Lou, Zee and I have been cutting lately."

 Liam groans. "Zayn."

 "I had to, Li." Zayn mumbles. "I'm sorry."

 "Just show me."

 Zayn removes his bracelets and bandage. Gasps fill the room and I notice that he has at least thirty scars.

 "Fuck, Zee." Haz mutters.

 "This is nothing." Zayn replies.

 "Lou, show me."

 Lou reluctantly removes his bracelets and bandage. Haz curses Hell multiple times and and I see close on fifty scars.

 "Louis!" Haz exclaims.

 "Don't, Haz." Lou begs. "You can yell later."

 "I'm calm."

 "Clara." Liam says. "Your turn."

 I nod and walk into my bathroom. I pull on my pair of comfy short shorts and walk back into my room. I can feel all of their gazes on the bandages on my left leg and, ignoring them, I sit on my bed. I let out a shaky breath and Lou half hugs me.

 "Just a warning." I say. "This has been going on since I was twelve."

 "Clara." Haz whispers.

 I unwrap the bandages and cries of shock fill the room. I look away and close my eyes. Someone traces the hundreds of scars on my leg and I almost pull my leg away. I hear a sob and I look at Haz in surprise.

 There are tears flowing down his face and sobs are coming out of his mouth. Lou sits down next to Haz and pulls him into a hug. I can see Zayn and Liam in a hug and I can hear two people crying in the doorway.

 I look up to see Ni and Clarity holding each other and sobbing. I feel alone and forgotten. Suddenly for people pull me into a giant hug and tears are falling on me. I look into Lou's eyes and he gets the message. Everyone pulls away and I call Jer.

 "Hello?" Jer asks.

 "Jer, it's me." I say shakily.

 "Cee, what's wrong?"

 "Can you come over?"

 "Sure. Why?"

 "I need to show you something."

 "I'll be there in five."

 Jer hangs up and Lou pulls me into a hug. Five minutes later, the door bell rings and I push past Ni and Clarity. I run down the stairs and answer the door. Jer sees my expression and pulls me into a tight hug.

 "Cee, tell me." Jer whispers.

 "I have to show you." I reply. "Come on."

 I pull him inside and shut the door. I lead him up the stairs and to my room. Ni looks up as we approach and glares at us. He steps in front of us, refusing to let us in, and I glare at him. Clarity smirks at us and Jer glares at her.

 "He ain't welcome here." Ni growls.

 "This isn't your house, Horan." I snap.

 "She's fiesty, Ni." Clarity laughs.

 "Go home, slut." Jer snarls.

 "Ooh! Is she your girlfriend?"

 "Maybe."

 "Wow, Cee." Ni laughs. "You stooped  _very_  low." _  
_

That comment does it. I tackle him to the ground and his head hits the ground, hard. I punch him in the face and he shoves me off him. I get to my feet and kick him in the gut. He grabs my left leg and I yell out in pain.

 Ni's eyes go wide and he gets up, backing away. I follow him and kick him on the knee. He growls and throws a punch at my face. I catch his fist and smirk. His eyes go wide and I twist his arm. He falls to one knee and yells.

 "STOP!" Ni cries.

 "Good." I growl, letting him go.

 "Ouch."

 I knock him down. "Don't mess with me or my friends."

 I wipe my hands on my shorts and turn around. I look up and almost laugh. Clarity, Jer, Haz and Liam are staring at me in shock, whil Lou and Zayn are grinning at me. I grin in response and they pull me into a hug.

 "Shit." Jer says, dumbfounded.

 "What?" I ask.

 "You just knocked Horan down."

 "And I knocked you  _out_."

 "That's easy."

 "Knocking anyone out is easy."

 "You don't feel pain then."

 "That's why I asked you to come here."

 "What?"

 "I need to show/tell you something."

 "Okay..."


	23. Clara's Other Secret

**Louis**

 Jer and Clara vanish from the room and my gut twists uncomfortably. She is going to tell him everything, and I can tell that he won't take it well. I can tell that from the looks he gives her, that he will protect her and that he wants what's best for her.

 "What's that look for?" Haz asks.

 I frown. "What look?"

 "Your scary serious look." Zayn laughs.

 "Scary?" Ni scoffs. "More like idiotic."

 Liam frowns. "What's wrong with you?"

 "Nothing."

 "Are you jealous of Cee and Jer?"

 "No!"

 "You are!" Zayn gasps.

 Ni groans. "I'm jealous then!"

 "What do they have that you don't?"

 "Friendship."

 "Cee's friendship." Liam says. "Of course."

 "What about Clarity?" Haz asks, all but spitting her name.

 "She was trying to make Josh jealous, and it worked." Ni explains. "I was trying to make Cee jealous, and it failed."

 "Of course it did." Clara says. "I told you: Only friends."

 "That you did."

 "Then why?"

 "I just had a weird lot of hope."

 "It got you nowhere."

 "It got me somewhere."

 "Yeah. Further away."

 Ni nods.

 "One more thing."

 "What?"

 "You're not sleeping in here again."

 "Fine. Who will then?"

 "Anyone except you."

 "I will." I say.

 "Good idea, Lou." Haz says. "You'e the best one for her."

 "Why?"

 "She trusts you more than anyone else."

 Clara bites her lip.

 "I'm hurt, Cee." Jer says sarcastically.

 She grins. "Poor boy."

 I laugh. "It's getting late. You better head home, Jer."

 "Yeah." Jer says. "I'll come by on Sunday."

 "You're welcome anytime." Haz says.

 "Thanks, Harry."

 "Call me 'Haz'."

 Our jaws drop. Already?!

 "I take it that this is rare?" Jer asks.

 "Never happened before." Haz replies.

 "Well then..."

 "Hurt my sister again and you'll regret it."

 "Wouldn't dream of it."

 "Good."

 "Bye, Haz, Zee, Liam, Horan and Cee."

 "Bye!" we yell as he walks away.

 "I'm going." Ni says, walking out.

 "Are you going to Sam's?" I ask.

 "Li and I are." Zayn says.

 "We better go get ready." Liam mutters, dragging Zayn away.

 "I am but, I have to find Ni first." Haz vanishes.

 "Cee?" I ask. "Are you going?"

 "Should I?" Clara asks.

 "It'll help."

 "I'll go if you are going."

 "Why me?"

 "I just trust you so much easier."

 "I'm nobody special."

 "You must be."

 "Why do you say that?"

 "You're my friend and my brother's boyfriend."

 "Haz would have had others before me."

 "That's the thing, he didn't."

 "All those girls..."

 "He used them to try forget you."

 "Why?"

 "He was afraid, Lou. He still is."

 "When did this start?"

 Clara hands me a book. "Read it."

 "This is yours!" I protest.

 "Just read it. March 15."

 I open the book and begin to read.

 _March 15, 2008_  
                 Something has changed. Harry is happier but, at the same time, he is afraid of something. He is happiest when he is around the lads, though it's mainly Louis that he is happy around. I have a faint idea and hope that it is real.  
                I am begining to think that Harry likes Louis, but is afraid of Louis rejecting him. I know Louis though, and he wouldn't reject Harry without a fucking good reason. I just hope that nothing bad comes of this.  
                   I can trust Louis with anything but, I am still hesitant to trust Louis with Harry's heart. I don't know if I can let them get much closer... If I can trust him, then Louis better treat him like an angel and not break his heart.

 "That's enough." Clara says, taking the book.

 "Three years?" I ask.

 "That's when I first began noticing it."

 "From what I read..."

 "It sounds like I was crushing on you."

 "Yeah."

 "Creepy right?"

 "You were."

 Clara blushes.

 "Fuck. You were!"

 Clara looks away.

 "You still are." I sigh.

 "I can't help it."

 "We're going out."

 "I'll go get ready."


	24. Party Hard

**Clara**

 Liam pulls up at Sam's party and we get out of the car. It feels good to get out of our cramped positions and stretch. We only had Liam's car because Lou doesn't have a car and Haz's car was out of fuel, thanks to Ni taking it and going for a ride.

 That means that I had to sit on top of someone, and it wasn't going to be Ni. Haz was in front seat, Liam was driving, Zayn was curled up on his seat and Ni just wasn't an option. That meant that I had to sit on Louis, and boy was that awkward.

 "Stay with Lou." Haz says.

 "Don't do anything stupid." Zayn adds.

 "Lou, don't get drunk." Liam warns.

 Ni doesn't say anything and the almost melt into the crowd around them. Lou grabs my hand and pulls me through the crowd, keeping me close to him. We are almost through the massive crowd when someone pulls me away from Lou and into a hug. I look up and grin. Jer.

 "Hey, Jer." I greet.

 "Why are you here?" Jer asks, chuckling.

 "Zee and Lou said this will help."

 "Help you end up with a hangover."

 "That too."

 "Jer!" Lou calls over the music.

 "Hey, Lou." Jer says.

 "Have you seen - Clara!"

 "Lou." I say.

 "Don't run off. Haz'll kill me."

 "Sorry, Lou."

 "Let's go."

 Lou grabs my hand and I follow him through the crowd. He pulls me into an empty room and hands me a cup filled with...coke? I frown at him and he shrugs. I take a sip of the coke and it burns my throat slightly.

 "What the fuck?" I exclaim.

 "It's rum and coke." Lou explains. "That's all we drink."

 "Okay."

 "How are you feeling?"

 "Fine. Why?"

 "Some people can't handle  _any_  alcohol."

 "Well, I'm not 'some people'."

 "No, you're not. You're you and I know what you're like."

 "Not the drunk me."

 "I'll know soon."

 "I hope I'm not a bad drunk."

 "I hope not."

 Lou drinks the rest of his drink and grins at me. I follow suit and everything starts to feel better, calmer almost. Lou gets us more drinks and is soon muttering about how it seems that Haz doesn't even notice him anymore and I am telling him things that I never even told Haz.

 "I'm surprised." Lou says.

 "Why?" I ask.

 "Haz, Li and Zee were almost passed out after five and this is your...what?"

 "Seventh or eighth."

 "Ni passed out after four and Jer is on six, I think."

 "Niall would have had something stronger than rum and coke."

 "Yeah."

 "How many have you had?"

 "Six or seven."

 "I thought you weren't allowed to get drunk?"

 "Li won't remember this tomorrow."

 "That'll make it worse."

 "Actually, I think Li took the lads home."

 "Speaking of home, Lou..."

 "Yeah. We better go."

 Lou calls a taxi and I hunt for Jer. I find him almost out on the floor and I help him up before almost dragging him outside. I can see Lou waiting for us and I drag Jer to Lou. We pile into the cab and Lou tells the driver our address. A familiar songs starts on the radio and we all start singing.

I _was walking away,_  
 _But she's so beautiful it made me stay_  
 _I don't know her name,_  
 _But I'm hoping she might feel the same_  
 _So here I go again,_  
 _She got my heart again!_

_Tonight we'll dance_   
_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_   
_We won't look back,_   
_Take my hand and we will shine_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I got a wild heart_

_Stay here, my dear,_   
_Feels like I've been standing right here for years_   
_My mind's beat up_   
_Tell me that you feel this, and I won't give up_   
_I won't give up_

_Tonight we'll dance_   
_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_   
_We won't look back,_   
_Take my hand and we will shine_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I got a wild heart_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I got a wild heart_

_And I know it's late, I know it's cold_   
_But come right here, I swear I'll never let you go_   
_The way you move, it's wonderful_   
_Let's do it now, 'cause one day we'll both be old_   
_Oh whoa oh_

_Tonight we'll dance_   
_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_   
_We won't look back,_   
_Take my hand and we will shine_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I got a wild heart_

_Tonight we'll dance_   
_I'll be yours and you'll be mine_   
_We won't look back,_   
_Take my hand and we will shine_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I got a wild heart_   
_Oh, oh, oh_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_She needs a wild heart_   
_I've got a wild heart_

 Ten minutes later we are walking inside and trying to figure out a place for Jer to sleep. We end up laying him on the mattress in my room and him passing out instantly. I put a bucket next to every bed and some painkillers and water on the cupboards.

 The rest of the night passes in a blur and it's about midnight when Lou and I head up to bed. Whatever happens after that is too hazy to focus on and it doesn't seem to be of any importance to Lou and I.

 Oh, how I hate being wrong...


	25. Cry

**Louis**

 I wake up to a small headache and the sound of multiple people throwing up. Such a nice thing to wake up to... Clara's head is on my chest but, that isn't the thing that shocks me. The thing that shocks me is that I have no shirt on.

 I peek under the covers and sigh in relief. I have my boxers on from yesterday. The thing that makes me frown again is Clara's legs tangled with mine. She has a familiar baggy t-shirt and boy-legs on, luckily. What the fuck happened last night?

 I shake her. "Clara!"

 "Trying to sleep." Clara groans.

 "It's serious."

 "Use the code words and we'll see."

 "Clara!"

 "No! Tired!"

 "What happened to Atlantis?"

 She sits up. "What's wrong?"

 "Look for yourself."

 "Lou, where's your shirt?"

 "You're wearing it."

 Clara pales. "We didn't. Did we?"

 "No."

 "Fuck. That was close."

 "We may have done  _something_  though."

 "I hope not."

 "So do I, Cee."

 "I'm going to shower."

 Clara gets up and walks toward her bathroom, stretching. My shirts rides up her back a bit and my eyes go wide. They can't be... We didn't... Clara goes into her bathroom and I curse. My boyfriend's little sister... I made out with my boyfriend's little sister.

 "Lou?" Clara whispers.

 I look at her. "Oh, Cee."

 "Is this what I think it is?"

 I look at the mark on her colarbone and my eyes widen.

 "It is?"

 I nod.

 "Fuck, Lou. What did we do?!"

 "We must have made out."

 "Lou, we have to tell Haz."

 "At least we were drunk."

 "At least we only made out!"

 "True."

 "I'd be screaming otherwise."

 "Cee? Lou?" Haz asks. "What's wrong?"

 "Close the door and have a seat."

 He does just that.

 "Haz..." I say hesitantly. "Last night, when we came home..."

 "Fuck, Lou." Clara mutters.

 "You tell him then."

 "Haz, Lou and I accidentally got drunk and made out."

 "Holy fuck." Haz sighs. "I thought it was worse."

 "You're not mad?"

 "No."

 "Why not?"

 "Lou, Clara and I need to talk."

 "I'm gone." I say, walking away.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 Lou walks away.

 "Haz, what's going on?" I ask.

 "Lou needs you, Clara." Haz replies.

 "What are you saying?"

 "I'm back on the market."

 "Harry!"

 "I need to be alone. So, I'm leaving."

 "For how long?"

 "I'm going back to Cheshire."

 "NO!"

 "Clara." Haz sighs. "Lou will explain. He'll take care of you. He always has and always will."

 "You promised!" I cry. "You said you'd never leave me!"

 "I have family there!"

 "You have family here!"

 "I only have you, Zee, Liam, Ni and Lou!"

 "Mum and Robin too!"

 "They're dead!"

 I pale. "W-What?"

 "They died yeaterday."

 "H-How?"

 "The aeroplane crashed."

 "W-When?"

 "During the party."

 "You're lying!"

 "Why would I? I have no reason to lie!"

 "You have no reason not to lie!"

 "I wouldn't lie to you about this!"

 "The  _real_  you wouldn't!"

 "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Clara. But, it's the truth."

 Haz walks out of my room and I scream, throwing the cup on my cupboard at him. Jer jumps over to me and hugs me. The door slams and it swings open not five seconds later. Liam pulls me into a hug and Zayn appears with Ni. Ni doesn't even look like he is crying, but Zayn does. They join the hug and my eyes feel dry.

 "Lou." I whisper.

 I tear my way free of the hug and run into my bathroom. I grab the razor from Lou's hand and throw it away. I pull him into a hug and his tears soak my shirt. He starts sobbing quietly and I hear Jer, Liam, Zayn and Ni leave us alone.

 "Shh." I whisper. "It'll be fine."

 "No it won't." Lou sobs.

 "Fuck, Lou."

 I have never seen him cry before and it is honestly scaring me. Sure he has had tears in his eyes but, he has never let them fall. Right now looks like his breaking point, and I don't know what to do. I just hold him and think that Lou needs Haz right now.

 "I need you right now." Lou mumbles.

 "Did I say that out loud?" I ask.

 "Yeah."

 "Are you alright?"

 "I'll survive."

 "I hope so."

 "Don't worry about me."

 "Who else will I worry about?"

 "Not me."

 "Nobody else is this broken."

 "Ni is."

 "He wasn't even crying."

 "You aren't."

 "Lou..."

 "Come to think of it, you've never cried."

 "Don't..."

 "Why aren't you?"

 "I can't cry."

 "Why not?"

 "After the incident the doctors told me that I may never cry again."

 "Have you tried?"

 "For two years. I managed watery eyes."

 "Try focusing on all your grief, anger and frustration."

 I focus. "Now what?"

 "You want to cry right?"

 I nod.

 "Force yourself to cry."

 A tear runs down my face and I gasp in shock and surprise. More tears follow and, soon, I am crying like there is no tomorrow. Lou pulls me into a hug and tears soak both our shirts. I eventually run out of tears and we pull apart. I wipe my eyes and sniffle.

 "You did it, Cee." Lou whispers.

 I smile. "I did it."


	26. Hard Truth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for saying this again but, there is self-harm in this chapter and it may trigger. Please don't read if you self-harm or are recovering from self-harming. I should also say that I don't hate the boys, and that this, hopefully, never happens to them. I love the boys too much!

**Zayn**

 None of us can believe that Haz is going back to Cheshire, and that he dumped Lou  _and_  abandoned his little sister. Clara and Lou are taking this the hardest, Liam is cursing Haz and Ni is...somewhere. Me? I just feel numb, and I want to cut.

 I walk into Clara's bedroom and see her bathroom door shut. I go into her bathroom and see both Clara and Lou ther, blood spotting the floor. Clara hands me a razor and I immediately cut my wrist. I sit on the floor and lean against the wall near Lou.

 "Zayn." Liam sighs from the door.

 "Sorry, Li-Li." I say.

 "Does this mean I can?"

 Cee, give him one."

 Clara gives Liam a razor and he removes his bracelets. He slices his wrist open and sighs. He sits next to me and I realize that only Ni and Haz haven't resorted to cutting, that we are the only ones. Everyone realizes it too and we share a look.

 "We're weak." Liam mutters.

 "We're strong, Li." Clara says.

 "How?"

 "Only the strong can do this."

 "Only the strong bottle it all up." Lou adds. "The weak let it out instantly."

 "So, Ni is weak." Liam muses.

 "No." I say. "He's just confused."

 "He has a family who wants him." Clara mutters. "He should be the happiest of us all."

 "I'm not." Ni sighs from the door. "I'm lost."

 "Everyone is." Lou mutters. "We never expected this."

 "I never wanted this!" Clara cries. "I've lost everything!" **  
**

"We're still here."

 "You can't put your lives on hold for me."

 "You are our life. We need to look after you."

 "You don't, Lou."

 "I do. You need us."

 "I don't need anyone!" Clara growls.

 "You might not need us, but we need you!" Lou yells.

 Liam and I share a look with Ni. We know that this will go on for a while and that it will get  _very_  loud. Liam and I get up and puch Ni out of the room. I close the door and hear them yelling, followed by the sound of breaking glass.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 "Stop acting like you don't care!" Lou yells.

 "Stop acting like you do!" I scream.

 "I'm not acting!"

 "Stop caring then!"

 "I can't!"

 "Why not?!"

 "I'm the one that found you!"

 "So, you knew!"

 "I was never told! I only saw you!"

 I punch the mirror and it shatters.

 "Clara!"

 "What?!" I cry. "Why do you even care?!"

 "I care because I fell for you!"

 I gape at him.

 Lou pales. "Fuck."

 "Lou-"

 "I shouldn't have."

 "Lou-"

 "Clara, I am really sorry. I should have told you under better circumstances. Actually, I shouldn't have even told you! Fuck, Louis! What were you th-"

 I kiss him and he shuts up. He wraps his arms around my waist and pulls me closer to him. I smile against his lips and cup his face in my hands. Lou traces tongue along my bottom lip and I pull away, smirking at him.

 "Fuck." Lou breathes.

 "You just made my day." I hum.

 "You made mine."

 "Lou! Clara!" Liam calls. "What broke?"

 "I punched the mirror." I tell him.

 "Clara!"

 "You sound like Lou."

 "Hey!" Lou and Liam protest.

 "Hey! Make me deaf and you're dead."

 "Sorry, love." Lou murmurs.

 "It's okay, Boo." I whisper.

 Lou tenses.

 "Haz called you that."

 "Yeah."

 "Sorry."

 "It's alright."

 I pull away from Lou. "No."

 "Cee-"

 "I just called you what my dumbass brother did!"

 "I don't care."

 "I do! I brought it up!"

 "Clara!"

 "What?!" I cry.

 "Look at me." Lou orders.

 I face him. "Lou-"

 He kisses me. "I don't care, love."

 "Lou..."

 "I don't care if you call me 'Boo' or whatever."

 "Why not?"

 "It doesn't change anything."

 "Wrong, Lou-Lou."

 "How?"

 "It changes us."


	27. Another Fight

**Louis**

 It's noon and Clara is walking to the willow on her school grounds. The past month has been hard for all of us and, honestly, I hardly remember it; I only clearly remember the day that Haz left us. Today is going to be the day we all remember.

 Clara reaches the top of the small hill and sits next to me at the base of the willow. I put my arm around her shoulders and she moves closer to me. I kiss her hair softly and she blushes. I smirk at her and she playfully hits me.

 "What's so important, Lou-Lou?" Clara asks.

 "You'll know soon." I reply.

 "Lou."

 "Do you have any patience?'

 "Dumb question."

 "Cee Bee."

 "Fine."

 "Do you want the song or speech?"

 "Hmm... Both."

 I smile. "Okay."  **(A/N: Play song on side ~ >~>)**

_If I don't say this now I will surely break_   
_As I'm leaving the one I wanna take_   
_Forget the urgency but hurry up and wait_   
_My heart has started to separate_

_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_I'll look after you_

_There now, steady love, so few come and don't go_   
_Will you, won't you be the one I'll always know?_   
_When I'm losing my control the city spins around_   
_You're the only one who knows how to slow it down_

_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_I'll look after you and I'll look after you_

_If ever there was a doubt_   
_My love, she leans into me_   
_This most assuredly counts_   
_She says 'most assuredly'_

_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_I'll look after you, after you_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_

_It's always have and never hold_   
_You've begun to feel like home, yeah_   
_What's mine is yours to leave or take_   
_What's mine is yours to make your own_

_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_

_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh_   
_Oh oh oh, oh oh oh, be my baby_

 Clara claps, blushing slightly. "That was lovely."

 "Speech time." I say.

 "Let it out."

 "Clara, I know that we have only been going out for a little over a month, and I know that this may be too soon to be asking this but, I don't care and am going to do it anyway."

 "What are you trying to say?"

 "Clara, will you be my girlfriend?"

 Her eyes widen. "Am I dreaming?"

 "No." I chuckle. "This is real."

 "I will."

 My jaw drops. "S-Seriously?"

 "Seriously."

 Clara kisses me and I kiss her back. She moves onto my lap and cups my face in her small hands. I wrap my arms around her waist and pull her closer to me. She smiles against my lips and I trace my tongue along her bottom lip, only for her to pull away,  _again_.

  "Seriously, Cee?" I groan.

 Clara smiles. "We have to go."

 "Why?"

 "School's closed for the rest of the day."

 "What happened this time?"

 "ImayormaynotretaliatedwhenDylanPetershitJerandme."

 "Dylan Peters?"

 "Yeah."

 "Isn't he seventeen or something?"

 "He's graduating tomorrow."

 "Fuck."

 "It was instinct! He was going to hit me!"

 "I'm not arguing."

 "Good. I hate arguing with you, Liam, Zee and Jer."

 "Not Niall?"

 "I used to. I've gotten used to it."

 "What about... _him_?"

 "That would require talking, which hasn't happened in almost two months." Clara sighs. "We never argued before...you know."

 "Yeah."

 "Anyway. Let's go."

 Clara gets off me and stands up. I grab my bag and her bag, standing up. I take hold of her hand and we walk down the small hill, away from the willow. We head to the school parking lot and get surrounded by the school jocks.

 "Tomlinson." one says. "You have stooped low."

 "Go away, Jacob." I sigh.

 "Why should I? We want revenge."

 "You're not getting  _anything_."

 "Lou." Clara whispers. "There's too many."

 I count at least seven. "Call Liam or Zee."

 She presses a button on her phone.

 "Hello?" Liam asks.

 "Liam!" Clara hisses. "School. Help. Now!"

 "We're on our way."

 "Jer. Zee. Hurry!" She hangs up.

 "Freak!" Jacob yells. "Who did you call?"

 "Nobody."

 "Listen, freak. Cough up or you'll go back to hospital."

 "Don't talk to Clara like that!" I growl.

 "I'll talk to  _it_  however I feel like!" Jacob snaps.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 "I'll talk to  _it_  however I feel like!" Jacob snaps.

 I punch him in the jaw and he stumbles backwards. Ben charges at me and I kick him in the gut. Toby swings a punch at Lou and I catch his fist, twisting his arm until I hear a snap and a loud, shrill scream.

 Nick kicks my left shin hard and I hiss in pain. I punch him between the eyes and he collapses. Chris and Zack aim punches at my head and I am suddenly pulled back. Their fists hit and I hear bones crunching.

 "Stay down!" Zayn hisses in my ear.

 "Let me go, Malik!" I growl.

 "Get hurt then!"

 Zayn lets me go and I jump into the fight, literally; Thomas has Lou in a headlock and I jump on his back. I sqeeze my hands around Thomas' throat and he claws at my hands for a few seconds before collapsing. I get off him and glare at him.

 Jer yells out and I spin around. There is a swiss army knife stcking out of Jer's thigh and, sadly, Max is holding onto it. I knock Max away and pull the knife out of Jer's thigh. I throw the knife into the bushes and Jer nods his thanks weakly.

 Liam yells out a warning and I duck just before Jacob's fist hits my head. I get low and spin, kicking his legs out from under him. I move behind him and he stumbles back. He trips over me and lands on the tar, his  head hitting someone's gut by the sound of it.

 Once Jacob is down, I get up and survey the area. Ben is holding his gut, Toby is cradling his broken arm, Nick, Thomas and Max are knocked out, Chris and Zack are holding their broken fists and Jacob is groaning on the ground, half passed out.

 After I have looked them over, I turn to my friends and barely hold back a gasp. Niall is holding his arm, Liam has a bruised eye, Zayn has a broken nose, Jer is tying his shirt above the stab wound and Lou looks like he is out cold. I run over to him and kneel next to him.

 "Lou!" I exclaim.

 "Not again!" Niall groans.

 I get my water bottle.

 "Don't. You. Dare." Lou pants.

 "Fuck, Lou!" Liam says.

 "Sorry, lads."

 I lift his head up and put the water bottle to his lips. He gulps half the bottle before I have a chance to pull it away. He opens his eyes and searches my face for any pain. He must find some because he quickly sits up, scanning me.

 "Where are you hurt?" Lou demands.

 "I'm fine, Lou." I lie.

 "You can't lie to me."

 "Nick kicked my left leg."

 "He's dead."

 "We need to go." Liam interrupts.

 "Yeah." Zayn agrees.

 We all get in the car and Liam drives us to the hospital. He returns with Niall's arm in a sling and Jer with bandages aroung his thigh. We then head home and, when we get there, I start to take care of everyone. It always used to be like this, and now it has started again.

 I give Liam a bag of frozen peas, clean the blood off Zayn's face and pop his nose back into place, wrap up Niall's sprained wrist, check over Jer's bandages and give them and Lou painkillers before sending us all off to bed.

 "Night, love." Lou yawns.

 "Night, Lou-Lou." I murmur.


	28. Rejected!

**Clara**

 I wake up and my body feels so stiff and sore. It must be from the fighting yesterday. I groan and sit up, almost laughing at my stupidity. I am sitting on the floor and Lou is sprawlled out on my bed. I get up and shuffle into my bathroom, closing the door.

 I strip and get in the shower. I hit multiple buttons and the water hits me. I close my eyes and sigh. I start to lose track of time and eventually get out, turning the water off. I wrap a towel around myself just before to door opens and Lou walks in, still half asleep.

 "Lou! Towel! Knock!" I exclaim.

 "Clara! Sorry! Going!" Lou yelps.

 "It's alright. I was about to go."

 "Oh. Sorry anyway."

 I smile and leave my bathroom, closing the door behind me. It's only then I realize that my cheeks are burning and that I am embarrassed. I shake it off and try to find something to wear from my giant wardrobe.

 I make sure both doors are closed befotr I drop my towel and put on my underclothes. I look through my clothes in my wardrobe and decide on a pink camisole, white denim short shorts and my gladiator sandals.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Louis**

 I open the bathroom door and stop dead. Clara is choosing clothes out of her wardrobe and she is basically naked because she only has her underclothes on. That's only part of it. The other part is the small, circular scars on her back.

 Clara pulls on a pink camisole, white denim short shorts and her gladiator sandals before turning around. She freezes when she sees me and her mouth makes an 'o' shape. Tears sting my eyes and she rushes over, pulling me into a hug.

 "I'm fine." Clara murmurs.

 "How are you?" I whimper.

 "I've gotten used to it."

 "I won't."

 "It's okay if you don't."

 "Why?"

 "I won't blame you."

 "I'll be fine."

 "Good."

 I kiss her. "I'm going to get dressed."

 "It's Saturday..."

 "Your point?"

 "Why bother?"

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

 My nose is a little sore but, not swollen. Thank fuck for that. Liam's eye is another story. His eye is surrounded by a large purple-blue bruise, and is only slightly swollen, thanks to the bag of frozen peas that Clara gave him yesterday.

 "Zee." Liam calls. "I'm taking Ni and Jer to the hospital!"

 "Alright." I say. "Be careful."

 "I always am."

 Liam kisses me goodbye and leaves with Ni and Jer. The sound of his car slowly fades into the distance and I feel alone. I need to talk with Lou and Clara. I open Clara's door and my eyes almost pop out of my head. I've walked in on them making out. I clear my throat and they jump apart.

 "Zayn!" Clara exclaims.

 "Sorry for interrupting." I mutter.

 "Fuck, Zee." Lou groans.

 "Sorry, Zee." Clara says.

 "It's alright." I reply.

 "Okay..."

 "When did this start though?"

 "Well, we've been dating for a month."

 "What?!"

 Lou chuckles. "Not this observant this time, Zee?"

 "Apparently not." Clara laughs.

 "Oh, well." I shrug. "I can't notice everything."

 "He finally admits it!" Lou crows.

 "Give him a prize!" Clara yells.

 "Who gets a prize?" Liam asks, confused.

 "Zayn apparently." Ni mutters.

 "What for?"

 "For admitting that he can't notice everything!" Clara laughs.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Niall**

 Clara looks happy, a bit  _too_  happy, and I don't like it. She and Lou keep sharing looks and looking away, blushing. Lou has something to do with her happiness, and I hate it. I hate them. I need to find out what has gotten them like this.

 "Are you alive, Ni?" Clara asks.

 "FIne." I snap.

 "Wow. I just asked you a question."

 "Soryr if I hate talking to you!"

 "Niall!" Liam gasps.

 "Don't you  _dare_  'Niall' me, Payne!"

 "I don't know what has gotten into you the past few months but, I don't like it!" Zayn growls.

 "Zayn's right, Niall." Lou says. "This isn't you."

 I am suddenly being pulled from the room and pain is shooting up my hurt arm. I am pushed onto the sofa in the rumpass room and the door is slammed shut. I hear a angry, frustrated groan and I look up to see Clara.

 "Please tell me this isn't because of  _him_." Clara mutters.

 "So what if it is?" I snap.

 "You love him. Don't you?"

 "Harry is practically my brother!"

 "You know what I mean!"

 "Yes! I love him!"

 "So, you're bi then."

 "Yes."

 "Why didn't you tell us?"

 "I told Harry."

 "And?"

 "He kissed me."

 "As in..."

 "Yeah."

 "Fuck!"

 "I know."

 "He cheated on Lou with you!"

 "Clara-"

 "No, Niall!"

 I stiffen. She is  _beyond_  angry.

 "You're the reason he left!"

 "What-"

 "Aren't you?!"

 I nod slowly.

 "Fuck, Niall! Go back to your own house!"

 "Why?!"

 "You aren't welcome here anymore!"

 Clara walks out of the room and slams the door behind her. I hear her sobbing and something hit the wall. People run toward the rumpass room and I hear Zayn cursing. Someone must have tried to calm Clara down because she wails.


	29. Beach

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are only about six or seven, maybe eight, more chapters left of this story. Sorry for being blunt about it but, if I'm not, then I will start crying because I have loved writing this story and reading all your scattered and small amount of comments.
> 
> I hope you enjoy the story while it lasts. I should also warn you that it gets quite sad towards the end of the book so you might want to have a box of tissues handy and maybe some ice cream. Ben and Jerry's preferably.
> 
> I also know that there is no beach in Doncaster but, it fits in with the story so just go with it. Sorry in advance. You'll probably know what I mean when you get to the part. Please comment and vote at the end.

**Clara**

 "Answer your phone!" I scream.

 I hang up and punch the wall. Lou pulls me into a hug and I start crying. I just sit there sobbing for a few minutes until my phone started playing 'Good Girls' by Five Seconds of Summer. I look at the caller ID and my jaw drops. I answer it and put it on speaker.

 "H-Harrry?" I ask.

 "Clara?" Haz gasps.

 "I miss you, Haz."

 "I miss you, Cee."

 "When are you coming back?"

 "Fuck, Cee. I'm coming tomorrow."

 "For how long?"

 "Two weeks."

 "Fuck, Harry!" Lou exclaims.

 "BooBear?" Haz whispers.

 "I'm here."

 "I miss you. So much."

 "Shouldn't have left then."

 "Louis William Tomlinson!"

 "Harry Edward Styles!"

 "Lou, go calm down." I order.

 "Fine." Lou says, walking away.

 "Nice going, Harry."

 "What?" Haz asks.

 "You snapped at him."

 "Yeah..."

 "Harry?" Liam asks. "Is that you?"

 "Leeyum!" Harry yells.

 "Hazza?!" Zayn yells.

 "Zaynie!"

 "Haz?!" Ni calls.

 "NIALLER!"

 They run into my room and start yelling at Haz and me. Ni looks at me for confirmation and I motion for him to come in. He grins at me and runs in, jumping on my bed and yelling for Zayn and Liam to give him some room.

 I hand Liam the phone and leave the room, looking for Lou. I find a message from Lou in the kitchen, telling us that he is at the beach, and that he wants to be alone. Wanting to be alone usually means that he needs someone.

 I run out the front door, down through the trees and onto the beach. I look along the shore and see a shirt and shoes near the tree line about ten metres away. I look out to the surf and see Lou standing in waist deep water.

 I take off my sandals, putting them with Lou's shirt and shoes, and walk down to the water. I get to knee deep water and stop. I've never gone further than this, and I don't want to. Lou faces me and smiles, motioning for me to join him.

 "I-I can't." I stutter.

 "Can't you swim, love?" Lou asks.

 "No. I can't."

 "I'll teach you."

 "Okay..."

 "Your cami and shorts will drag you down."

 "Right."

 I walk back up to the tree line and take off my cami and shorts, leaving me in my blue/purple underclothes. I kick my clothes on top of Lou's and walk back down to the surf. I start walking toward Lou and stop at knee deep water again.

 "Walk to me." Lou says.

 "Lou..." I whimper.

 "Trust me?"

 I nod and slowly walk forward. The water rises around me and I force my panic down. The water is almost up to my waist and I close my eyes. Lou takes my hand and starts pulling me out further. I stop when the water reaches just below my shoulders and Lou pulls me into a hug.

 "When I say three." Lou explains. "Take a deep breath."

 "Why?" I ask.

 "Trust me?"

 I nod.

 "One...Two...Three."

 We both take a deep breath and we move downwards. My eyes fly open under the water and the salt stings my eyes. I meet Lou's blue gaze and he meets my brown gaze. He smiles and I smile back. My lungs start to burn and we break through the surface of the water.

 "Fuck, Lou." I gasp.

 Lou grins. "That wasn't so bad."

 "No. It wasn't."

 "Good. I want to try something else."

 "What?"

 "One...Two...Three."

 We submerge again but, this time, Lou kisses me. I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him back. His arms snake around my waist and we break through the surface of the water, never breaking the kiss.

 His tongue runs across my bottom lip, begging for enterance, and I part my lips. His tongue hesitantly enters my mouth and traces my bottom gum. I moan into the kiss and move my tongue with his.

 Lou trails his mouth down my collarbone andstarts kissing there. He finds my weak spot near the front of my throat and I moan softly. Lou bites down on the spot softly and starts to make a bruise. I pull his face back up to mine and kiss him properly.

 "There they are!" someone yells.

 Lou and I pull apart and look toward the shore. Liam, Zayn, Jer and Ni are walking towards the water. I adjust my hair so it covers the bruise before Lou and I walk towards them. I end up almost knocking us both over twice.

 "You just van-" Liam breaks off.

 Liam, Zayn, Jer and Ni are staring at me with their jaws dropped. They stare at me in shock, awe, horror and amazement. Lou and I share a look and I look down. Oh, the scars. I look back up and can tell that the scars aren't the  _only_  reason.

 "What?" I ask.

 "Firstly; the scars." Ni says.

 "Secondly;..." Liam trails off.

 "You're enough to turn any gay straight, or bi!" Zayn blurts.

 "Don't talk about my little sister like that!" Haz growls from my phone.

 "Don't look at my girlfriend like that either!" Lou snaps.

 "Girlfriend?!"

  _Oh we're dead._


	30. He's Back

**Louis**

 Haz taps his foot on the hardwood floor impatiently and the lads share a look. Clara hovers in the doorway, unsure, and I can see the fear in her eyes. I give her a one arm hug and she gives me a small smile. I face Haz and he frowns.

 "What, Harry?" I sigh.

 "How long has  _this_  been going on?" Haz asks.

 "We've been dating for over a month."

 "I mean the boyfriend/girlfriend thing."

 "A few days."

 "Oh."

 "Jealous, Haz?" Clara teases.

 "A little." Haz replies.

 "I never thought that would come out of your mouth!" Liam exclaims.

 "He has changed." Zayn says.

 "We all have." Ni mumbles.

 Haz pulls Ni into a hug and they both start crying. Liam watches the scene with confusion, while Clara, Zayn and I watch it with slight anger. Haz whispers something into Ni's ear and Ni smiles, whispering the same thing back.  _I love you_. I feel Clara stiffen under my arm and I can see the tears of anger in his eyes.

 "Clara!" I hiss. "Don't!"

 "I don't trust him." Clara growls.

 "I don't either."

 "He doesn't live here anymore."

 "But?"

 "He can stay until Harry leaves."

 "Where's he going to go?"

 "With Harry. If he wants."

 "Are you  _really_  going to let him go?"

 "Yes."

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

  "Are you  _really_  going to let him go?" Lou asks.

 "Yes." Clara replies.

 " _Can_  you let him go?" I ask.

 "Yes."

 "Lou?"

 "I can and will." Lou says.

 "Li?"

 Liam nods. "He needs to go."

 "Who's going where?" Haz asks.

 "If you want, Ni can go with you when you leave." Clara tells him. "He's not welcome here any longer."

 "Why me?"

 "You  _actually_  love him, Harry." Lou mutters.

 "You all love him."

 "You're  _in_  love with him."

 "True but, it isn't returned."

 "It is, Haz." Ni says.

 "Clara?" Lou asks. "Clara?!"

 I face Clara to see her passed out on her bed. Lou shakes her and gets no response. We are all in a state of panic until Haz runs over and presses a spot on her throat. For some odd reason, it works and Clara's eyes fly open, pulling Haz's hand away from her neck.

 "It happened again." Clara groans. "Didn't it?"

 "It did." Haz says.

 She groans.

 "You'll be alright."

 "I hate it!"

 "So do I."

 "It has to stop!"

 "I know, Cee. I know."

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 I hate passing out when my emotions overwhelm me, that's what I tell the boys anyway. Only Haz ever knew about my 'episodes' and that was hard enough to deal with. I had to see the pain and worry in his eyes every single time it happened.

 "Lou?" I ask.

 "Hey, love." Lou murmurs. "You alright?"

 "Yeah. Sorry if I scared you."

 "It's hard to scare me."

 "Fuck, Lou. I'm so sorry."

 "I'm fine."

 "That scared you. Didn't it?"

 "Yeah. It scared me, so much."

 "Lou."

 I pull him into a hug and can feel him trembling, close to crying. He then starts crying and his tears are soaking my shirt and my tears are still non-existant. I don't want the others to see me cry and lose control. I know them too well for that.

 "Hush, babe." I whisper.

 "I'm sorry, love." Lou sobs.

 "I'll be alright."

 "Will it happen again?"

 "Possibly. That was the first one in two years."

 "The cutting stopped them."

 I am about to respond when Zayn and Liam burst into the room. Haz follows them in and closes the door behind him, locking it. The fear on their faces is all too obvious and I don't understand until I hear  _his_  voice.

 "Clara." my father calls. "Come out wherever you are."

 "How is he here?" I whimper.

 "Cee, stay clam." Haz whispers. "We'll figure something out."

 I grab Lou's wrist and pull him into my walk in wardrobe. He gets my idea and grabs my half top and my tight short shorts. I put them on along with my blue and black wig and black converse. I cover my scars with concealer and put a  _lot_  of makeup on.

 "Do I look like me?" I ask.

 "You sound like you." Lou manages to say.

 I make my voice raspier. "Now?"

 "That's better."

 I walk out of my wardrobe and the boys stare at me in shock. I tell them the plan and they agree, much to Lou's annoyance. I unlock the bedroom door and straddle Zayn. I give him an apologetic look before kissing him and making it look like it had been going on for a while. He quickly responds as the door opens and the others laugh.

 "What the fuck?!" my father growls.

 I pull back from Zayn. "What do you want, oldie?"

 My father takes in our appearances; Liam and Ni shirtless, Haz half 'drunk' on the floor, Lou pressed against my back, Zayn looking high and me straddling Zayn on the bed. I see confusion and shock cross his face and I have to supress an eye roll.

 "What do you want?" Haz 'slurrs'.

 "This  _is_  the Styles' house." my father asks. "Isn't it?"

 "Not mine anymore!"

 "You must be Harry."

 "Yep, and my parents are dead!"

 "Who are your friends?"

 "Li-Li and Nialler are the shirtless ones, Zaynie is the boy on the bed, Boo is the one standing and our little chickie is... What was it again?"

 "Marceline." I rasp. "Marce for short."

 "That's it!"

 I giggle.

 "Right..." my father trails off.

 "What do you want anyway?" Lou mutters, raising a 'pierced' eyebrow.

 "I'm looking for Lissa and Clara Rhode."

 "Lissa died a month or so ago."

 "And Clara?"

 "Suicide." I answer. "That's what everyone is saying."

 "Oh." Regret flashes in his eyes. "If she's not dead, and you see her, can you tell her that I'm sorry and that she won't have see or hear me again?"

 "Will do, oldie."

 "Alright. Thanks."

 My father closes the door and walks away. I get off Zayn and stare at the door in horror. I quickly open the door and sprint down the stairs, after my father. I reach the front door and see him laying in the middle of the road. I pull him up and sit him on the downstairs couch.

 "She's alive, oldie." I rasp. "Talk to her."

 "How?" my father asks.

 "Tomorrow at ten. Coffee shop down the road."

 "Okay."

 My father leaves and Lou walks over to me. We sit on the couch and he holds me to him. We stare blankly at the television and barely move. Thoughts are practically sprinting through my head and it makes it hard to concentrate.

 "You did the right thing." Lou finally says.

 "Come with me?" I ask.

 "Of course, love."

 I smile.


	31. 'Dad' Talk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again I know that there is no beach in or near Doncaster. Just go with it and enjoy the story. My friends have already told me that fact over and over. I am about ready to kill them or myself. Them preferably.

**Louis**

 It is a minute to ten and Clara's father is nowhere in sight. Ten comes and so does a beaten up old blue Ford. Her father gets out of the car, locks it and walks into the coffee shop. He slides into our booth, the seat in front of us, and Clara watches him carefully, looking at his wrists.

 "Clara." her father says.

 "Dad." Clara says stiffly. "Marce told me that you wanted to talk."

 "It is the truth."

 "Talk then."

 "I'm so sorry!"

 Clara and I share a look.

 "I don't deserve to live!"

 "Dad, you do." Clara sighs.

 "After what I did?" her father gasps.

 "Yes. You need help. Professional help."

 "I have help."

 "Not drugs and/or alcohol."

 "So, a therapist?"

 "Maybe a psychiatrist."

 "I'll do that."

 "No depressants  _or_  drugs  _or_ alcohol."

 "For how long?"

 "Try two weeks."

 "Then?"

 "We'll talk. Sober."

 Clara and I get up and leave. We walk to Jer's house and hang out there, playing FIFA for the majority of the time. We wait until the blue Ford passes the house to go back home and just me even more lazy. When we get there, Haz's car is gone and both his and Ni's stuff is gone.

 "He's gone." Liam mutters. "He's gone."

 "Zee." I say. "What's up with Li?"

 "He's in shock." Zayn sighs.

 "Why?"

 "Haz and Ni left at ten-thirty."

 "That explains it."

 I hear glass shatter and a scream. The scream jerks Liam out of his shock induced state and we run up to Clara's room to see her staring out the window. I can see a body against the window and recognize it as her father. He is covered in blood and a rope it around his neck.

 "Fuck!" Zayn curses.

 "D-Dad." Clara stutters.

 "That's your father?!"

 Liam pales. "Shit."

 Liam runs into Clara's bathroom and throws up. Zayn goes in to help Liam and I close Clara's blinds, blocking us from the gruesome sight. I hear a door slam and I run after Clara. I reach the front door and see her running towards the beach.

 "CLARA!" I yell.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 I can hear Lou yelling at me as I run into the water but, I refuse to acknowledge him. I know that it's harsh but, I am more focused on the rising water. The water is up to my throat by the time I stop and Lou is a hundred metres away, trying to reach me.

 I step forward and start to sink. Water starts to fill my lungs and I slip into a stats of half-awareness. I start to float away but, someone pulls me back. I am suddenly surrounded by air and someone is hitting my chest repeatedly, followed by them blowing into my mouth.

 They put my head on it's side and water spills out of my mouth and nose. I cough and the water comes out in a mix of blood and water. Someone curses and I make out Lou's form next to me. I sit up and he catches me when I almsot collapse.

 "Lou..." I breathe.

 "Fucking Hell, Clara!" Lou groans. "Don't do that again."

 "Why can't I just hate him?"

 "He's your father."

 "The one at the coffee shop was my uncle."

 "The one at your window?"

 "My father."

 "How can you tell?"

 "They were identical twins when they were born. My father got a tattoo of my name on his wrist and my twin brother's above it."

 "You have a twin?!"

 "Fraternal. He's our friend."

 "Jer?!"

 I nod. "It's true. Medical records prove it."

 "Hell! Shit! Crap! Fuck! Whatever!"

 "Lou, calm down."

 Lou tugs on his hair. "Fuck my life!"

 "Babe, please. You're scaring me."

 "I'm scaring  _you_?! This is freaking me out!"

 "I only found out a few days ago, Lou."

 "How?"

 "Jer got a fractured wrist and had to go to hospital. They checked his knife wound and the blood cells looked familiar. They called me in and did a DNA test. We're siblings."

 "Why didn't you tell me before?"

 "I was still processing."

 "Why?"

 "It's hard know that your  _brother_  used to beat you on a daily basis!"

 "Back to your father and uncle."

 "What about them?"

 "Who was the one at the house?"

 "My father."

 "I'm still confused."

 I get it. "My uncle."

 Lou helps me up and we walk back to our house. Liam almost kills Lou when he sees me soaking wet and then we explain. His anger then turns to disappointment and he lectures me on suicide. I look at him and he raises his hands in surrender.


	32. Inked

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story is almost over! :( I should also warn you again that it gets quite sad towards the end of the book so you might want to have a box of tissues handy and maybe some ice cream. Ben and Jerry's preferably.
> 
> I don't know if there is a night club or tattoo parlor in Holmes Chapel, most likely not, but it goes with the story. It's the same as with the beach; just go with the flow, bro. Not as good as Zayn's rap, but it's close. XD

**Niall (Surprise)**

 I never thought that I could love anyone so much, or hate anyone so much. Haz has moved on from  _Louis_  and is now with me, happier than he ever was when he was with Louis. I have moved on from  _her_  and the others.

 "Ni, you want to head out now?" Haz asks.

 "Why not?" I reply.

 Haz chuckles and grabs my wrist, pulling me behind him. I grab our jackets and lock the door behind us. We wander down the stairs to the parking lot and get on Haz's bike. He starts it up and we head to the night club that we always go to, right next to the tattoo parlor.

 "You sure you want this?" Haz asks.

 "Yeah." I reply. "I'm sure."

 "Okay..."

 "Are  _you_  sure?"

 "I feel like you are doing this for me."

 "I am."

 He looks at me.

 "But, I'm also doing it for me."

 Haz chuckles and turns his bike off. I hop off and he leads me into the parlor. The man at the counter looks up and grins when he sees us. Haz hands me a book and I flip through it. I eventually find the tattoo I want and show it to Haz.

 "Nice!" Haz tells me.

 "Yeah." Josh, the tattooist, says.

 "How long will it take?"

 "A few hours at most."

 "You want to get it now, Ni?" Haz asks.

 I nod. "If possible."

 "Let's do it then!" Josh exclaims.

 I take my shirt off and Haz gulps. Josh gets the stencil and places it on my naked torso. The design will start at the middle of my back and end on my chest. I nod and Josh gets everything ready. Harry sits on the other stool and looks at me.

 "Why this tattoo?" Haz asks.

 "Remember how we met?" I ask.

 "You got my cat out of a tree."

 "There you go."

 Josh starts on my tattoo and, fuck, time does fly when you are telling jokes and having fun. He and Haz are settling on the price and the door opens, revealling a familiar girl. I clear my throat and Haz pales when he sees who it is.  _Gemma_.

 "Harry!" Gemma yells, hugging him.

 "Hey, Gem." Haz mutters.

 "Why are you back?"

 "Robin and Lis are dead."

 "Clara?"

 "With Zee, Liam and Lou."

 "Where?"

 "Doncaster."

 Gemma rolls her eyes. "Where's Niall?"

 "Hey, Gemma." I say.

 "Oh, Niall!"

 I stop her from pulling me into a hug and Haz glares at her.

 "Why'd you do that?" Gemma pouts.

 "I just got a tattoo." I say.

 "And, don't touch him." Haz warns.

 "Is he your boy toy?" Gemma teases.

 I chuckle. "Are you jealous?"

 "No!"

 "It sure looks like it."

 Gemma swings at me and I dodge it easily. She keeps trying to hit me and I never get hit, making this funny but boring. It gets annoying after a few minutes and I catch her fist. I twist her arm and press it against her back. She curses and tries to fight me off.

 "Stop, Gemma." I sigh. "You'll hurt yourself."

 Gemma sighs. "Fine."

 I let her go and she grins, walking out of the parlor. Haz laughs and pays Josh before we leave, saying goodbye to him and Ed. We climb onto his bike and I wrap my arms around his waist. He starts the bike and we go back to Haz's place. We get inside and everything breaks.

 Haz pushes me against the door and crashes his lips to mine. I kiss him back and wrap my arms around his neck. He deepens the kiss and pulls me closer. He touches the back of my thighs and I jump, wrapping my legs around his waist.

 "I love you, Niall." Haz whispers.

 "I love you, Harry." I mumble.


	33. Cuts

**Zayn**

 Things have been going downhill ever since Clara's father killed himself and Clara  _tried_  to kill herself, again. Lou has hardly left her side and I guess that she is on suicide watch. Liam almost had a heart attack when he found out, and is also watching her carefully. He is also watching me, waiting for me to snap.

 "Li, I'm not going to try again!" Clara exclaims. "You're worse than Lou!"

 "I'll take that as a compliment." Lou mutters.

 "It is a compliment, babe."

 "Enough with the flirting!" Liam growls.

 "Liam." I sigh. "Leave them alone."

 "Zaynie..."

 "No, Li."

 He mumbles a few curses before walking away.

 "Thanks, Zee." Clara sighs.

 "He's paranoid." Lou mutters. "And annoying."

 "Good on you for figuring that out." I sigh.

 He chuckles.

 "Zayn..." Clara trails off.

 "Yeah?" I ask.

 "If Li is paranoid now, you need to keep an eye on him."

 "I am."

 "Think of his history."

 "You think that?"

 "He's tried before."

 "Wait. What?!"

 "What, Zee?"

 "What are  _you_  talking about?"

 "He musn't have told you."

 Clara runs from the room and Lou grabs my arm to stop me from following her. All of a sudden I hear Clara yelling at Liam and the sound of a door being slammed closed. I hear water running and Liam cursing multiple times.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 I run out of the room and Lou stops Zayn from following me. I silently thank him and keep running. I run into the rumpass room bathroom and stop dead. Liam is sitting on the wet tile floor, covered in blood and water from head to foot.

 "What the fuck, Liam?!" I yell.

 "Don't, Clara." Liam mutters. "Leave."

 "No. You need help!"

 "This doesn't concern you!"

 "The Hell it doesn't!"

 I kick the door shut and it slams loudly. I kick the razor away from Liam and I force him to sit up on the edge of the bathtub. Liam reluctantly turns the tap on and washes the blood away. I help Liam and he curses when water hist his gut. I yank his shirt up and my eyes widen.

 "Fuck!" I whisper.

 There are cuts and words carved into his torso. I scan over them, my eyes widening when I read some of the words carved into his skin. I trace over the one that reads 'BEAUTIFUL' and blood comes off. It isn't the one that is bleeding but, it is still depressing. The on that is bleeding makes me scream

 "CLARA!" Lou yells.

 "Louis! Get in here!" I yell.

 "Coming."

 Lou opens the door and pokes his head in. He notices the blood and his eyes fly to me. I motion to Liam and Lou's eyes widen when he sees all the cuts, words and blood, his jaw dropping. Zayn comes up behind Lou and fear washes through me.

 "Zayn!" I yelp.

 Lou steps into the room and closes the door qucikly. He locks it and the handle rattles, Zayn trying to get in. Zayn bangs on the door and Liam flinches. Lou ignores Zayn and studies the cuts covering Liam, gasping when he sees the new addition.

 "Fuck, Liam!" Lou exclaims.

 "Don't start, Lou." I warn.

 "Why, Li?"

 Liam looks away. "It's true."

 I look at the words 'GAY FAGGOT' and tears sting my eyes. I force myself to look away and get a wet wash cloth. Lou takes it and wipes the blood of Liam's torso, being as careful as he can. Even though he is careful, a few gasps escape Liam.

 "I'm going to be sick." Lou mutters after a few minutes.

 "Go, Lou." I say. "We'll be fine."

 Lou nods and opens the door, leaving Liam and me alone. I throw all the blood covered material into the wash and Liam pulls on one of the washed shirts. I look at him with understanding and he rolls his eyes. He gets up to leave and I grab his wrist.


	34. Gemma's Back

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Story's almost over. It's got like five or six chapters, including this one. Get your tissues and ice cream ready... Sorry babes. I tried to make this story longer but, it just wouldn't work if I made it any longer.

**Louis**

 We haven't had any contact with Harry and Niall for a few months - two at the most - and we are all starting to get worried. Scratch that. Clara doesn't care. It's like she knows what they're up to and I think that there is something more important going on for her.

 Clara has been avoiding all of us, except Jer, and, honestly, the last time she did this was when Lis and Robin died. She has also been watching Liam carefully, but that is easier to understand than her avoidance.

 "Clara." Zayn says.

 Clara looks at him.

 "Talk. Now."

 Clara rolls her eyes and follows Zayn out of her room. As if on cue, Liam rolls on top of me and buries his face in my chest. He sobs and I hug him, suddenly confused. Liam looks up at me and I see the guilt on his face.

 "Liam." I sigh.

 "I'm sorry." Liam sniffles. "I'm so sorry."

 "I can't. I promised her."

 "Clara?"

 He nods. "Don't, Lou. You'll only get hurt."

 "I have to know."

 "No, you do-"

 "ZAYN!" Clara screams. "YOU'RE SO DEAD!"

 "If you catch me!" Zayn yells.

 Feet thunder down the stairs and the front door slams. I can hear Zayn yelling for mercy and Clara laughing. Liam and I look out her window and see Clara tickling Zayn. I smile at our partners and Liam chuckles.

 "Spying's rude, boys." a familiar voice says.

 "Gemma!" I growl.

 "Welcome back, Gemma." Liam says stiffly.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

 Clara is ruthless when it comes to revenge, even though she doesn't look, seem or act like it. Either you're going to end up in hospital, or you're going to be 'dead'. Honestly, I'd prefer the former to the latter, no matter what you say.

 Hospital; a few broken bones, a concussion, bruises, cuts, blood loss and maybe a coma. Torn cartlige is also a possibility. You may be lucky to get out of the ICU.

 Dead; she ignores you, acts like you are dead, hardly talks about you and fakes cries whenever you are mentioned. If she runs into you, you may want to run and hide or you'll end up in hospital. May end up  _literally_  dead - they hasn't happened...yet. _  
_

"You are so lucky." Clara hisses playfully.

 I smirk. "I know."

 My phone starts playing 'She Looks So Perfect' by Five Seconds Of Summer and I glare at Clara. She smirks, sitting next to me, and looks at the caller ID. I look down then back up at her with shock, and answer it, putting it on speaker. Two yelling voices come through and I chuckle.

 "Zee?!" Haz exclaims. "Thank fuck you answered!"

 "What's wrong, mate?" I ask.

 "Gemma's in Doncaster."

 "Gemma? As in-"

 "WHAT?!" Clara screeches.

 "Clara?" Haz asks.

 "WHY IS SHE HERE?!"

 "Revenge."

 "NEVER!"

 "Cet out of there."

 Clara's phone beeps.

 "Zee? Cee?" Ni calls. "Still there?"

 "What's wrong?" Haz asks.

 "Too late." Clara growls.

 "Clara!"

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Clara**

 I jump up off the ground and sprint inside. I grab a knife from the kitchen and walk up the stairs. I hear Lou whimper and Liam yell. I step into my room and a growl escapes my throat. I call Zayn and put my phone away.

 Liam is knocked out on the mattress, blood pouring from his head and bruises covering him. Lou is tied onto the bed and there are cuts covering him, blood pouring from some of them. Gemma is holding a bloodied knife and a bloodied rock. I walk up behind her and press the knife to the front of her throat.

 "Back away, Gemma." I growl in her ear.

 Gemma laughs. "I was waiting for you, Clara."

 "Behind you!" Lou yells.

 I kick backwards and hear a snap, followed by a growl. I spin around and glare at Tony, keeping Gemma in front of me. Tony steps closer and I put pressure on Gemma's throat. She whimpers and a drop of blood rolls down her neck, Tony stopping at the sight.

 "Call Jer." I growl. "His friends too."

 An 'okay' sounds from the phone and then my phone starts beeping. Jer answers straight away and Zayn and I explain what is going on. Jer agrees straight away and hangs up, calling his friends. I thank Zayn and he just laughs.

 A few minutes later my whole house is almost full of people. It looks like half of the whole school are Jer's friends, and I wouldn't be surprised if that were a true. Even Dylan Peters and his group are here, ready to help.

 "You going to give up,  _sister_?" I hiss.

 "I want my revenge!" Gemma growls.

 "At what cost?"

 "Anything!"

 Gemma steps on my left foot, hitting it as well, and I howl. Jer knocks Gemma out and glares at her prone form, muttering 'don't touch my sister, bitch' under his breath. Something runs down my leg and I look down. Blood is pouring out of hole in my leg and pooling around my feet, staining the blue mat. I sigh and stop the blood from pouring.

 "Clara, you're hurt!" Lou yells.

 I laugh. "No shit, babe."

 "How did that happen?"

 "Gemma."

 "What did she do?"

 "Stuck her knife in my leg."

 "Just like what happened to me." Jer says.

 I smile. "Twins forever!"

 He hugs me. "It fucking hurts."

 "I know, big bro."

 He pokes his tongue out.

 "You're older."

 He groans.

 "Why?" Lou asks.

 "Why what?" I ask.

 "Why did Gemma stab you?"

 "Her revenge on me."

 "What did you do?"

 "A  _lot_  of things." I whisper.

 "Jer, get me untied!" Lou yells.

 Jer hurries over to Lou and unties him from the bed. Lou runs over to me and catches me as I stummble. I smile at him and everything goes black. Lou yells at someone and I feel myself falling...falling...falling...


	35. Hospital...Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that you probably want to kill me after what I did to Liam, Louis and Clara but, if you do that then you will never find out what happens to them! Consider it kinda like my leverage. Okay? Okay. Got that over with.
> 
> Made the next chapter a bit longer than the others. You might want your tissues and ice cream for this chapter if you are a bit sensitive. Even if you aren't, it's better to be on the safe side. I'm so sorry in advance.

**Niall**

 "What the fuck happened?!" Haz demands.

 "..."

 "They're in hospital?!"

 "..."

 "Liam? Is he okay?"

 "..."

 "What about Lou?"

 "..."

 "Medically induced coma?!"

 "..."

 "I know what it means, Zayn!"

 "..."

 "Okay."

 "..."

 "Is Clara alright?"

 "..."

 "Just tell me!"

 "..."

 Haz yells angrily and throws his phone at the wall, denting the wall, smashing the screen and rendering it useless. Haz kicks the phone and collapses into a sobbing mess. I run over to him and pull him into a hug.

 "How are they?" I ask, dreading the answer.

 "Zee is a bit bruised, Liam has a concussion, Lou is in a medically induced coma and Clara is-" Haz breaks off into sobs.

 "What's wrong with Cee?"

 "They don't know if she'll make it."

 "Just because of the knife wound?"

 "No, Ni."

 "Then what?"

 "Something much worse."

 "Cancer?"

 "Brain tumor actually."

 "FUCK!"

 I let Haz go and puch the wall, this time making a hole in it. A slight pain erupts in my hand and I ignore it, knowing that this barely hurts compared to losing someone. I am about to throw the lamp when Haz takes it and pulls me into a hug.

 "Why Clara?!" I yell.

 "Try to calm down, love." Haz whispers.

 "I know this is random but-"

 "You want a tattoo to represent Clara."

 "Yeah."

 "Let's go. I'll get one too."

 I nod and we head out to Haz's bike, the rain falling softly. We get on the bike, not bothering with our helmets this time, and Haz starts up the bike. We drive to the tattoo parlor and Haz turns off the bike. We go inside and see Josh and Ed talking, stopping when they see us.

 "Hey, lads!" Josh says. "Just got a call from Zayn."

 "So did I." Haz mutters.

 "Let me guess what you want."

 "Go ahead."

 "You want representations of Clara."

 Haz nods.

 "What do you want, Haz?"

 "An infinity symbol."

 "With words?"

 "I want 'Clara' written in the symbol."

 "Got it." Josh says. "Nialler?"

 "I want 'Clara Rhode' with a heart either side, underlined with an infinity symbol." I say.

 "Wow. Got it. Let's start."

 Josh does Haz's tattoo in a few minutes and mine in ten minutes. Josh and Ed refuse to take our money, so I just leave it on the table for them. Haz and I put our helmets and Haz drives us back to Doncaste just within three hours. We eventually reach the hospital and Haz parks between Liam's car and Jer's car. We take off our helmets and run inside, straight to the reception.

 "Clara Rhode-Styles." Haz says.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

 "Clara Rhode-Styles." a Cheshire accent says.

 "Harry?!" I exclaim.

 "Zayn!"

 Haz and Ni run over to me and stare at me in shock for a minute. They pull me into a hug and I hug them both back. The shock starts to wear off and I pull back to study them. Haz has gotten a tattoo recently and Ni has gotten one recently and one a while ago.

 "You got a tattoo, Niall?" I ask.

 "Two." Ni replies, showing me his cat tattoo.

 "Nice. Why a cat though?"

 "It's how I met you all. Mainly Haz."

 "What's the new one?"

 "Not telling!"

 "Enough!" Haz snaps. "Where's Clara?"

 "Follow me." I say.

 I lead them to the elevator, get in and press the 'Floor 2' button. I watch their faces pale in shock and realisation; Clara is on Floor 2, the ICU. The elevator dings and we get out. I lead them to room 177 and open the door. They walk in and stop almost instantly.

 "Fucking Hell." Ni breathes.

 I walk in and close the door, walking over to Liam, who is in a wheelchair. Ni and Haz walk over to us slowly and Liam looks up at them. He smiles sadly at them and they start to tear up. To ruin the moment, a doctor runs in and we all look at him.

 "Mr Tomlinson is awake." he says.

 Haz, Ni, Liam and I all share a look before following the doctor to room 77. Only a hundred rooms away from his girlfriend... I wheel Liam in and Lou grins at us. His grin soon vanishes when he doesn't see Clara. He sees the looks on our faces and pales.

 "Where's Clara?" Lou asks, his voice breaking.

 "Lou..." Liam trails off.

 "Where is she, Liam?"

 "She's in a coma."

 "Medically induced?"

 Liam shakes his head. "No, Lou."

 "Unless you want to get hurt, Lou, I'd stop asking questions." I whispers.

 "What do you mean, Malik?" Lou demands.

 "Don't, Louis."

 I look up at Lou and he finally sees me break down. He gets off the hospital bed and pulls me into a hug. I wrap my arms around him and start crying, sobbing into his shirt. Lou still hasn't broken down but, he will break soon.

 "Where is Clara?" Lou whispers.

 "Room 177." I whimper.

 Lou grabs my hand and squeezes it. I smile down at him and Lou lets go of my hand. He walks out of the room and heads to Clara's room; Room 177. We all share a worried look and quickly follow him. Liam and I reach the room just in time to hear Lou sob once and curse inder his breath.

 "Clara." Lou breathes. 


	36. Clara's Awake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know that you probably want to kill me after that. Just remember; if you do that then you will never find out what happens to them! Consider it kinda like my leverage. Now that I've reminded you, let's continue.
> 
> This isn't the last chapter...yet...but, it is coming close to it.
> 
> Tissues and ice cream at the ready! This chapter is making me cry while I am writing it. Even just thinking about it makes me start crying, just like the pouring rain outside. I repeat; Tissues and ice cream at the ready!

**Louis**

 It has been almost a month since I have woken up and found out that Clara, the love of my life, is in a fucking coma. I honestly want to do  _something_  but, I am afraid that she will go when we are not with her, and I don't want that for her.  **(A/N: Play song on side ~ >~>)**

 "Please get better, love." I whisper. "I need you right now. So fucking much. Haz and Ni are back here, in Doncaster, and they hate seeing you like this. We all do. Zayn and Liam are trying to keep them calm but, Ni almost hit a doctor the other day."

 Clara doesn't respond.

 "The doctors told us that someone in a coma can hear us when we talk. I am really hoping that you are hearing this and that it is true. You need to know how messed up our lives have become. None of us can function. Not even Liam."

 "I can imagine you telling us to quit sulking and grow up, to forget about this. We can't though, that's the downside. Ni caught Haz cutting yesterday and, believe me, none of us were surprised when Ni told us. Yeah, Ziam was angry but, we all understood why."

 Clara looks like she is crying but, I can't be sure anymore because of how she is. I sqeeze her hand tightly and try to find the words to say what I really don't want to say. The truth is what I don't want to say because it hurts.

 "I honestly don't want to say this, love." I sniffle. "I know that I have to though. Jer killed himself a few days ago a-and around half the school was at his funeral yesterday. I just know that you are crying if you are hearing this. I know you want to break something. I do."

 "Liam and Zee are coming to visit later. They want to see you awake and happy, laughing at all their stupid jokes and arguements. If you won't wake up for me, then, please, wake up for them. Fuck it! Just wake up! Please! Everything is  _literally_  falling apart in our lives!"

 "There are holes in the walls, the blankets look like they have been shredded, some of the windows are smashed, there are burns in carpet from Zee. We need you, Clara! Help us put our lives back together!"

 I burst out crying and tan, tattooed arms encircle me. I sob into Zayn's shirt and he rubs my back soothingly. Liam puts his hand on my knee and I hold it tightly. This is not my breaking point but, it almost is.

 "Calm down, Lou." Zayn murmurs.

 "Everything will be fine." Liam adds.

 "Is she going to wake up?" I sniffle.

 "There's a seventy percent chance, before..."

 "So, she is going to die?"

 "Yes. Sorry, lad."

 "How long?"

 "A month or so if she doesn't wake up." Zayn says. "Probably half a year if she wakes up."

 "She needs to wake up!" I exclaim.

 "You need to sleep, Lou."

 "Okay."

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Zayn**

 Lou closes his eyes and goes limp almost straight away. I pick him up off the plastic chair and almost drop him when his hip bone digs into my gut. I lay him on the bed next to Clara's and pull the blanket over him. I kiss his forehead and sit on Lou's chair next to Clara's bed.

 "What's the matter, Zee?" Liam asks.

 "I feel so protective of him." I sigh.

 "Lou?"

 I nod. "Ni and Haz as well."

 "They're our brothers. It's normal."

 "What about Clara?"

 "What about her?"

 "Sometimes I want to kill her and other times I want to hide her away."

 "She's the sister I never had."

 "You have two sisters, babe."

 "They're both older though."

 "Safaa and Waliyha are a handful.

 "I agree."

 "Not as much as Clara though."

 "I know, Zee. I know."

 I smile at Liam and look over at Clara. Clara hasn't moved for over a month unless the nurses gave her her daily bath or changed the blankets. As much as I want her to wake up, I don't want her to be in pain for another half year of her life.

 "What's wrong?" Liam asks.

 "I want her to wake up." I whisper. "I really do."

 "But?"

 "I don't want her to be in pain anymore."

 "I get that but, what's  _really_  wrong?"

 "I'm tempted to pull her plug and stop her pain."

 "What?!" someone yells.

**__~__~__~__~__~**

**Niall**

 "What?!" Haz yells.

 Zayn faces us. "H-Haz. N-Ni."

 "You want to  _kill_  Clara?!"

 "She's in pain, Haz!"

 "That doesn't mean  _anything_!"

 "It's the nicest thing to do, Mr Styles." a doctor says. "Miss Rhode also has a visitor."

 "Who-"

 Liam is cut off by a blonde girl running into Clara's room, stopping just before she hit the doctor. My jaw drops and Haz recoils when we see her face; Clara's face. The girl sees Clara on the hospital bed and rushes to her side, tears streaming down her face. Zayn and Liam share a look.

 "Who are you?" Liam asks.

 "Chloe Rhode." the blonde introduces.

 "Clara and Jeremy's...?"

 "Older sister, Mr Payne."

 "How do you know us?" Zayn demands.

 "Well, Mr Malik." Chloe states. "You were on the news."

 "Were all of us?"

 "Mr Styles, Mr Horan and a Mr Tomlinson too."

 "Oh."

 "Where is Mr Tomlinson?"

 "Louis is asleep over there."

 Zayn motions to where Lou is passed out on the other bed in the room and a soft noise escapes Chloe. I follow her gaze and see the dark bags under Lou's eyes, his bones visible and sticking out through his clothes. He looks sick and terrible.

 "Thanks, Ni." Lou chuckles. "I needed that."

 "I didn't mean to say that out loud!" I protest.

 "I know. How long have I been out?"

 "About ten minutes." Zayn says. "Why'd you wake?"

 "Something's going to happen."

 "What do you mean, lad?"

 "Clara."

 We all look over at Clara and her eyes slowly open. Her eyes are hazy and are flickering around the room. Her brown eyes are looking for something, or someone. Her eyes meet mine and she mutters 'wrong blue' under her breath. Lou chuckles and walks over to Clara's bed, taking her hand.

 "Lou?" Her voice is so fragile.

 "Hey, love." Lou says.

 "You look like shit, babe."

 We all burst out laughing.


	37. OH MY LORDY!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You love me again? I gave you back Clara and Louis. You also got someone new in the story; Chloe, Clara's older sister. There will be someone else new in here soon! You just have to figure it out.
> 
> Not sure if you'll need tissues and ice cream for this chapter. Just keep them close just in case. Okay? Okay. Sorry if you do need them. I did warn you that this was going to get a bit sad near the end.

**Clara (SHE'S BACK BITCHES!!)**

 It has been a week since I have woken up and I already know that Jer is dead, Haz started cutting and I have an older sister. Her name is Chloe Willow Rhode and she is Lou's age; nineteen. I honestly want to get to know her but, if the doctors are right, I don't have the time.

 "What's wrong, love?" Lou asks.

 "Why didn't they do it?" I ask.

 "Do what?"

 "Pull my plug."

 "We don't want you gone."

 "The doctors even said that it's the nicest thing to do."

 "Who gets the last say?"

 "You."

 "Is it just because I am your boyfriend?"

 "No. You're also the oldest of us and my legal guardian."

 "Oh. I never knew  _that_."

 "You do now."

 "Why  _are_  you telling me this?"

 "I don't even have half a year, Lou."

 "How long?"

 "Louis..."

 "How long, Clara?"

 "Two to three months at the most."

 "Fucking Hell!"

 "Don't do anything stupid."

 "Three months at the most?"

 I nod. "I'm sorry, Lou."

 "I wanted to start a family with you." Lou sobs.

 "Tell me how it would be."

**(A/N: Play song on side or go to Youtube or Itube ~ >~>)**

 "We would be living in the same house we are living in now. I would be a famous singer and you would be a famous athlete. We would have tow cute little kids; a boy and a girl. Liam and Zayn would visit one day and Haz and Ni would visit every other day."

 "What are their names?"

 "The boy would be called Jeremy, after your brother, and the girl would be called Lissa, after your mother. They would be popular  _and_  smart, just like us. Jeremy would be on the football team and Lissa would be a cheerleader. They would be twins and get along perfectly."

 "Describe the house."

 "The rumpass room would stay the same as it is now, Jeremy gets Haz's old room, Lissa gets your mother's old room and we get your room. There are no more razors laying about and no blood stains. There is an old swingset in the backyard along with an in-ground pool."

 "I can see it all."

 "There are a few gardens out the front with deep red roses planted in them and a cobbelstone path leading to the door. A vine has grown up the side of the house and onto the roof of the carport. We have a ferarri and a Mercedes. We're that rich."

 "What about us and the kids?"

 "I am only home for a few months a year but, we call and Skype as much as possible. You sometimes have sporty things, so you leave the kids with Ziam or Narry. They absolutely love Jeremy and Lissa to death."

 "They know about our 'dark years' and we stop them from going through what we did. Jeremy prefers to be called 'Jer' and Lissa prefers 'L' or 'Lis'. They are so mush like us and Jer. We visit Jer's grave every Christmas, Easter, New Year's, Thanksgiving and birthday, not wanting him to miss out."

 "We do that too." Lou sniffles. "We do it all."

 "Go get a doctor, babe." I whisper.

 "Just press the button."

 "Get me a doctor."

 "I'm not leaving, Clara!"

 The tears stream down my face and I hold Lou's hand tightly. He whimpers and tears start to stream down his face too. I sob and he tries to hold back. I nod to let him know that it's okay to cry, and he sobs loudly.

 "I'm scared, Lou." I whisper.

 "So am I." Lou cries. "Just be strong."

 " _My hands, your hands tied up like two ships. / Drifting weightless, waves try to break it. / I'd do anything to save it. / Why is it so hard to say it?_ "

 "You read my journal."

 " _My heart, your heart sit tight like book ends. / Pages between us written with no end. / So many words we're not saying. / Don't wanna wait 'til it's gone. / You make me strong._ "

 "I wrote a bit of another. Want to hear it?"

 I nod.

 " _If we could only have this life for one more day / If we could only turn back time / You know I'll be / Your life, your voice, your reason to be / My love, my heart / Is breathing for this / Moment in time / I'll find the words to say/ Before you leave me today._ "

 "Moments."

 "I'll name it that."

 "Go get your dream."

 I frown.

 "Go be a singer with Ziam and Narry."

 "It won't be complete without you."

 "Fall for my sister."

 "No! That's wrong!"

 "You'll need to move on eventually."

 "I don't want to."

 "Clara?" Liam asks.

 I look up and see all my friends and family in the doorway; Zayn and Liam, Haz and Ni, Josh and Clarity, Clayton and Maria, Ed and Josh  **(A/N: That's Devine (: )**  , Gemma and Tony, and Chloe and a familiar looking boy.

 "Hey, guys." I say.

 "I'm so sorry, Bee." Maria says. "We both are."

 "I forgave you both years ago."

 "I shouldn't have been such a bitch, Clara." Clarity whispers. "I'm so sorry."

 "Forget it." I say. "You too, Josh."

 "I - we- should be the most sorry." Gemma sniffles. " I do understand if you don't forgive us, like...ever."

 "There's no need to be sorry, sister." I assure. "It  _is_  my fault."

 "Clara." Chloe says. "You should meet your older brother Zed before...you know."

 "Hey, Cee Bee." Zed says, taking my hand. "I never stopped looking for you and Jeremy."

 "Thanks, Zed." I say. "We all could have been quadruplets then."

 "Yeah."

 "Get over here, Devine."

 Josh does so. "Did Haz and Ni show off?"

 I frown. "No."

 "Show her, idiots."

 Haz and Ni walk over to me and we all smile at each other. Ni shows me his cat tattoo, that has all our names in it, and the tattoo of my name on his wrist. Haz shows me his infinity tattoo with my name in it and I smile.

 "Guys..." I breathe.

 "Ziam got some!" Ed adds.

 Liam shows me a fifth arrow tattooed on his arm and I see my name written in the centre with darker ink. Zayn shows me a tattoo of a boy and girl playing football and my eyes widen. I look closer and swear that they look like Lou and I.

 "It's Lou and you." Zayn says.

 "Zee...Li-Li..." I say.

 "Everyone got a tattoo."

 "Even if it was just your name." Josh says. "I didn't charge."

 "Lou?" I ask. "What's yours?"

 Lou grins. "It's not finished but..."

 Lou lifts up his shirt and reveals a heart with our names written in it. I smile and Josh nudges me, pointing to my hip. I pull up my shirt slightly and everyone sees the tattoo I have been hiding. It is a simple tattoo that says 'L+C' with an infinity sign.

 "Clara..." Lou whispers.

 "I've had it for years." I giggle.

 "Twelve?"

 I nod. "I bribed Josh and Ed."

 "With what?"

 I blush.

 Josh clears his throat. "Umm..."

 Ed whistles and looks away.

 "Clara." Haz growls. "Devine. Weasly."

 "I bribedthemwithadateandkiss." I mumble.

 "What?!" Lou gasps.

 "You heard me. At least it wasn't more."

 "If it was, we would not be having this conversation."

 "Lou, your mental states cease to amaze and shock me."

 "Funny, love."

 My head starts to pound. "Ouch."

 "What's wrong?"

 "My head."

 "I'll get a doctor."

 "No."

 "Clara."

 "Let it be."

 "But-"

 "No 'buts', 'ands' or 'ifs'."

 "Cee-"

 "Nothing."

 "Okay."

 "I want you all to stay." I say. "Stay until the end."

 Haz and Ni walk over to us and stand next to Lou, Liam and Zayn.

 "You two have always been my brothers."

 "You have always been our sister." Haz manages to say while Ni holds back his sobs.

 "The same goes for you and Li, Zee."

 "That means so much to us." Zayn murmurs, blinking tears away.

 "Josh. Ed. Just get together. It's clear that you're bith in love with each other."

 "Clara!" Josh groans.

 "Josh, Clarity, Maria and Clayton." I say. "Be happy."

 They nod and I turn to my last two siblings.

 "Don't let  _any_  of your kids live like Jer and me." I warn. "Promise me that."

 "I promise, Cee." Chloe whispers.

 "I promise Cee Bee." Zed promises.

 "Gemma and Tony." I say. "Don't do anything stupid."

 "We won't." Gemma laughs.

 I look at Lou amd see tears running down his face. I wipe his tears away and smile at him. I clutch his hand tightly and smiles back at me. There are so many things I want to say and there are only three words they can be summed up into.

 "Lou." I whisper.

 "What do you need, love?" Lou asks.

 "I need to tell you something."

 "What is it?"

 "I love you."

 Lou smiles. "I love you."

 Lou kisses me and I know that this is the last time I'm going to be able to do this. Knowing that, I put everything I've got into the kiss; my hopes, my dreams, my passion, everything. Lou eventually pulls back and everyone cheers.


	38. Miracle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You hate me again? I know you will at the start of this chapter but, please don't try kill me or you'll never get your story! HA HA HA HA HA HA! Still my leverage! This is also the last chapter of the story, sorry babes!
> 
> Probably get your ice cream and tissues ready. I am so fucking sorry! I hate myself right now. I understand if you do too. Just don't kill me today!! I am so fucking sorry! (AGAIN). Just don't read if you are a bit sensitive.

**Louis**

 Everything happens so quickly after the kiss; the cheers, the doctors rushing into the room, the tears, the flatline... 'I love you' is the last thing Clara said to me before - NO! I won't think about that! I think of her joking around not a minute before and her smile, the one that is still on her face. At least she went happily.

 A beat starts in my head and I start tapping my foot along with it. The lads start tapping with me and I start humming a catchy tune. Everyone joins in; even the doctors. I look over at Liam and he opens his mouth.

" _Said I'd never leave her cause her hands fit like my t-shirt,_  
 _Tongue-tied over three words, cursed._  
 _Running over thoughts that make my feet hurt,_  
 _Body's intertwined with her lips._ "

 Niall joins in.

" _Now she's feeling so low since she went solo_  
 _Hole in the middle of my heart like a polo_  
 _And its no joke to me_  
 _So can we do it all over again?_ "

 We all sing.

"If _you're pretending from the start like this,_  
 _With a tight grip, then my kiss_  
 _Can mend your broken heart_  
 _I might miss everything you said to me._ "

" _And I can lend you broken parts_  
 _That might fit like this_  
 _And I will give you all my heart_  
 _So we can start it all over again._ "

 Harry starts.

" _Can we take the same road two days in the same clothes_  
 _And I know just what she'll say if I can make all this pain go_  
 _Can we stop this for a minute_  
 _You know, I can tell that your heart isn't in it or with it._ "

I start singing.

" _Tell me with your mind, body and spirit_  
 _I can make your tears fall down like the showers that are British_  
 _Whether we're together or apart_  
 _We can both remove the masks and admit we regret it from the start._ "

 We all sing.

" _If you're pretending from the start like this,_  
 _With a tight grip, then my kiss_  
 _Can mend your broken heart_  
 _I might miss everything you said to me._ "

" _And I can lend you broken parts_  
 _That might fit like this_  
 _And I will give you all my heart_  
 _So we can start it all over again._ "

 Zayn starts.

" _You'll never know how to make it on your own_  
 _And you'll never show weakness for letting go_  
 _I guess you're still hurt if this is over_  
 _But do you really want to be alone?_ "

 Liam sings again.

" _If you're pretending from the start like this,_  
 _With a tight grip, then my kiss_  
 _Can mend your broken heart_  
 _I might miss everything you said to me._ "

 We all start.

" _And I can lend you broken parts_  
 _That might fit like this_  
 _And I will give you all my heart_  
 _So we can start it all over again._ "

" _If you're pretending from the start like this,_  
 _With a tight grip, then my kiss_  
 _Can mend your broken heart_  
 _I might miss everything you said to me._ "

" _And I can lend you broken parts_  
 _That might fit like this_  
 _And I will give you all my heart._ " _  
_

Harry finishes.

 " _So we can start it all over again._ "

 We are all crying by then end of the song and the near silence is deafening after it. We are all hugging someone and sobbing quietly. There are a few sniffles that break the silence but, that stops when we hear the next noise.

  _Beep-Beep_.

 I run back into Clara's room and stare at the monitor in shock. Sure enough there is a heartbeat, that or the monitor is going weird. I take Clara's hand and the heartbeat speads up. Everyone runs in and Clara's eyes fly open. Her brown eyes meet my blue ones and she smiles.

 "Lou." Clara breathes.


End file.
